“Shhh.. don’t talk..”
Jesse did what he was told. He always let Brennan do the talking. And pretty much everything else. Brennan liked being in control. And he did a damn good job at keeping Jesse satisfied and pining for more. Neither ever had reason to complain.
They were on the bed, lying entwined from head to toe so you couldn’t figure one from another. They kissed and kissed for the longest time. Kissed until both were breathless and dazed. Brennan let Jesse catch his breath while he went down on the body he wanted to memorize.. every curve, every nook … before he left that night. His hands were everywhere and he kissed and nipped whatever he could get his fangs on. Soon he was bothering the nipples until they were sore, and the belly button until Jesse’s gasps were interspersed with pleas for mercy.
“Scream for me Jess.. say my name.”
“Brennan .. Brennan .. Brennan”
A gentle hand cupped his member and he screamed anew. The skillful hand was soon rubbing him back and forth and a mouth was kissing and laving him until he orgasmed, his second that night. It didn’t take so long this time.. he’d been teased cruelly enough to ensure that.
Jesse relaxed into the warm body holding him once he came. And soon, strong hands turned him over as Brennan got down to business. Well.. almost. Another piece of gorgeously sculpted art form greeted his eyes as he took in the beautifully toned back, sexily jutting out shoulder blades and a luscious bottom. He placed his hands on Jesse’s ass and the boy jumped. Jesse also giggled at his own reaction.
//Every time!.. Every fucking single time! //
Brennan filled each of his palms with each of the two tempting globes and rubbed them while Jesse moaned. Brennan brought down his lips to the back of his neck and began to kiss and lave his way down the back. As he reached the shoulder blades, he said..
“I love your scapulae.”
Jesse couldn’t help chucking at that, gave him a good break from the constant panting. But he indulged the joke anyhow.
“Look it up moron.”
Jesse laughed again. He bunched up the sheets in both fists and writhed in sheer pleasure while Brennan lavished excruciatingly detailed attention to his back. Brennan knew how much it frustrated the younger boy. And it excited him.
Soon, though not soon enough.. Brennan reached the little furrow that marked the beginning of Jesse’s crack and spent some time tickling it. Jesse squirmed like hell.
“Hey hey.. relax baby…”
“Brennan don’t do that!”
“You know why!”
Brennan smiled and gave it one last lick making Jesse wiggle more. With one hand kneading one cheek, he worked on the other with his tongue and teeth. Jesse moaned and moaned. His cock was painfully erect now.
“Brennan don’t tease.”
Brennan switched cheeks and had some more fun before devouring the magical opening itself. Jesse’s throat was dry with all the screaming and moaning.. he didn’t think he’d have any more screaming left in him. But he kept surprising himself. His eyes watered and his breaths caught in his throat.
Brennan’s erection began to hurt, but he couldn't have enough of Jesse’s delicious butt. He let his hands be where his tongue couldn’t be at any given moment and vice versa. Jesse wasn't the only one, Brennan was screaming inside too.
// God Jesse.. Jesse.. Jesse.. //
The tongue penetrating him again and again drove Jesse to insane heights of insanity as he pulled himself up on his knees and pushed up into Brennan’s mouth. The sheets tore in his fists and he chanted Brennan’s name over and over.
After a complete and thorough reaming, Brennan kissed the ring once more then reached out for his jeans on the floor. Jesse managed to utter something in English.
“don’t.. need it..”
“no chances baby.. don’t wanna hurt ya..”
Brennan took out the gel he’d come prepared with, took a huge dollop and put it onto the already dilated hole. Jesse sighed as the coolness hit him after the previous warmth from Brennan’s working. The boy on top curled his index finger into him, and the moment he hit the prostrate, Jesse went mad with desire. First one, then two and soon three fingers were inside the boy, fucking him good, stretching him thoroughly. Brennan massaged his prostrate both from the inside and outside. Jesse sobbed.
And Brennan replaced his fingers with his huge stiff and weeping organ. He needed no more coaxing, no more lubrication. At first he moved slow, spreading a burning heat throughout Jesse’s existence. And when finally he was in, he asked as always if Jesse was okay.
And Brennan pulled out. Only to push back again. Jesse screamed. Such pure ecstasy in powerlessness.. such pleasure in pain.. He arched up to meet Brennan in his pistoning motions and soon the two were rocking in perfect harmony.
Brennan held Jesse by the hips and controlled the pace.. Slow.. painfully slow. And then Jesse felt a hand snake out to hold his cock and stroke it with the same pulsating rhythm that his world now hummed with. He surrendered to a thousand sensations and some more. Like there was nothing else in the world but these maddening sensations that filled every empty space in his heart and his soul. Sensations that totally overwhelmed his very mind and body. Sensations he had no rein on, had no say about. He let them invade and assault and plunder his senses until he’d have none left. Until he felt senseless. Until everything and nothing made sense.. and he couldn’t care less.
Brennan was moaning and moaning. His own world was thrown in turmoil the moment he entered Jesse and let the hotness engulf him. Not just his cock, he felt like it’d engulfed his mind, his soul.. and dare he add.. his heart. Brennan was losing it.
// Oh God.. I’m out of control! //
And then he could take it no more. He let go and spasmed into Jesse while Jesse convulsed himself around him. Waves after waves of pleasure hit the boys until they were stormed and wrecked and finally washed ashore. Brennan collapsed on top of Jesse while Jesse collapsed on the bed.. two bodies soaking each other in their sweat and cum, and not a care for anything else in the world.. except this one moment.. of pure.. exquisite joy.
An eternity passed in silence … broken only by the hard breathing of two very very exhausted boys.
“I love you.”
Brennan opened his eyes. Had he heard what he thought he heard?
Panic. That's what Brennan felt... sudden panic.
He slid out quickly.. though gently.. and Jesse could have wept. Brennan rolled off to one side and sat up, holding one hand with the other around his knees that he’d drawn up to his chest. Jesse kept his eyes shut.. damn tight. Why he said it.. he didn’t know. But now he had. And there was no way to take it back.
“I... I love you Brennan.”
Jesse raised himself and sat behind Brennan. He could see Brennan’s shoulders rise and drop as he breathed steadily.. heavily. He reached out to touch them.. hold them.. but he didn’t.
“This.. this is why.. I couldn’t stay with you .. because I know that.. you don’t want this.”
“I know that this was not supposed to be anything but… but.. physical gratification for you..”
“Brennan I… I .. don’t know how or why or when.. I just.. it wasn’t enough anymore.. you.. ignoring me in the day and.. fucking me at nights. Its not enough.. I needed more. But I know. That wasn't... wasn't the deal. I know that I have no right to ask that of you.. you never gave me one. So.. it was only for the best that.. “
The silence was scaring Jesse. And the unresponsiveness only confirmed his worst fears. He was right. So.. he was right. He shouldn’t be surprised.
Why then did it hurt so much?
Brennan got up in a huge rush.. like he wanted to get away as soon as possible. Jesse could have cried. He could have screamed and howled. He did neither. Instead he shook his head, and sadly laughed.
“I knew it.”
Brennan was busy pulling up his pants and t-shirt. When he spoke, it was with annoyance.
“I knew that this would happen if I told you.. that’s why I..”
“Yeah I got that.”
Jesse.. heard his heart break. He sat the way Brennan was sitting not so long ago and stared at the man dressing in front of him.
Brennan paused. He heaved a huge sigh and turned to look at Jesse. His face was a mask of utter pain. The pain Brennan had seen in his eyes an hour ago but hadn’t realized what it was for.
Now he knew.
Brennan was so confused. His mind was trying to process a zillion threads of thought altogether and failing at all of them. He didn’t know what to say or do. He just.. breathed.
// Admit it Mulwray.. is this really that huge a shock? Didn’t you already know.. in your heart of hearts? Didn’t you? //
He jerked his head, ever so slightly, as if to shake off the very disturbing thought.
“I.. I just wanted to remember..” was all he could offer.
Jesse let the tear fall then. He wiped it off as fast as possible and looked back up at the source of his greatest torment.
“I didn’t. I wanted to forget..”
Brennan didn’t understand what he was saying.
“I wanted to forget you’d ever touched me.. or kissed me. I wanted to forget that you.. you'd been the first one to take me. “
“I wanted to forget how you pursued me relentlessly.. you made me feel like… like I was special. Precious. Talk about gross misunderstandings huh?”
Brennan began to say something but then changed his mind. And Jesse couldn’t contain the cynicism anymore. Nor the sobs.
“I so wanted to forget the nights you’d be downright merciless … and drive me to the edge over and over.. without release..”
“Nights when all you wanted to hear was me crying.. and begging and pleading .. and screaming your name? Remember?”
Jesse was laughing manically at another memory.
“Remember that night when you took me over your knee and I freaked thinking you were going to spank me! “
He still found it funny.
“But you assured me otherwise.. and then you put your finger in me… and zapped my prostrate.. over and over and over again …until I screamed and said I might as well be spanked! Or at least be fucked the conventional way!”
Brennan couldn’t make out whether Jesse was laughing or crying or both.
“And then I got my wish.. only to be banged out of my senses until I couldn’t make out the difference between pleasure and pain."
Brennan closed his eyes, yes he remembered. He remembered the laughter.. both his, and Jesse's.
"I loved it. I did! Everything you did to me, your every twisted game, every kink. And You loved it too. Didn’t you?”
Jesse stopped laughing. His voice dropped to a whisper.
“I wanted to forget the nights that.. I’d be injured or sad or simply tired … and .. you would cradle me in your arms and.. just.. rock me. I never asked for it.. but somehow.. you’d always know what I needed … and gave it to me. All night long. “
“And I remember.. the gentle moments.. when you held me.. your lips pressed to my hair, my face, my palms. And you’d whisper softly, tell me how .. how beautiful I am.. and good and strong and.. brave?”
Tears fell and Jesse wasn’t bothering to wipe them off anymore.
“And all this while .. I just wanted you to say this one more thing.. just this one thing.. that.. that you loved me? Because.. because I loved you.”
“I still do. I cant help it.”
Now he wiped off the tears, forced the pained sobs down his throat.
“I guess.. I could have done without all the mushy sentimentality.. I know how sick all this must sound to you right now… You hate talking about all this I know.. and I think I could have continued too.. without minding the lack of commitment too much. Until.. “
Brennan looked up. Jesse’s voice got eerily stable.
“.. until that night when.. you.. came to me. You fucked me. And then.. when you thought I was sleeping.. you slipped out to go see Ashley.”
The mask on his face was back. No tears, no sobs, no pleas in his tone anymore. Brennan noticed the change. He noticed and saw.. and heard everything. And he said nothing.
Jesse sniffed and rubbed his face dry.
“That’s when I knew.. this wasn’t going to work. So there you have it… my real reason. For ending it.”
Brennan the stunner had been stunned into silence himself. He’d been proposed to a thousand times. And he’d heard undying love being expressed to him a million times. He should be used to this. He should be able to handle this. Why then is he still in freeze mode? Why couldn't he utter a single word? And why did he suddenly so very ashamed of himself?
He stood there, with his clenched fists buried deep into the pockets of his jacket, feet set apart, staring straight into Jesse’s now dry eyes. His mind caught in the greatest turmoil of his life. Why? Because this time, it involved his heart. Was a first wasn’t it? No.. there had been a girl before.. but that was a long time ago. This was now.. this was Jesse..
“I didn’t want this.”
“You can leave now.”
“I didn’t ask for this.”
“Yes you did. You wanted to know the real reason.”
“No.. not this… not this…”
“I know you didn’t. Its okay Brennan. Its not your fault.”
//That's right... cant be. I didn't ask for this.//
He was numb, he couldn't think straight. Vaguely it registered with him that the younger man was absolutely composed. That Jesse... was in control while... while he wasn't.
“Go sleep Brennan. We’ll talk in the morning.”
// Yes. We’ll talk in the morning. We should… we should talk in the morning. //
Brennan slowly turned around, and walked out.