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cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

v14.0


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Misc: Therapist
cyndrarae

Venting, just because..

I want to get something off my chest.. would highly recommend the faint of heart (when it comes to writing!wank) to ignore this post.

I know I'm just an average writer, maybe even less. I know there are much much better storytellers out there in comparison to whom, God knows, I fail and miserably at that. But I'd also like to point out that I really don't even want to compete with anyone out there. I just want to be able to write something that I'd want to read myself. And if someone else also ends up having a good time with it and sharing the fandom love, then even better :) That's all I want. I don't want to be a professional writer. I don't want to have a zillion fans. All I want is to have fun and the last thing I want is to be told I suck because I don't abide by the so-called "rules" of fanfiction.

Honestly, there are times when I don't play by the rules on purpose, just to get that raw 'unpracticed' feeling. So it doesn't sound like something you'll read in a text book - instead it should sound like something you might actually say when you read it out loud. It's the difference between, say Grey's Anatomy and Friday Night Lights. One's all about perfect angles and beautiful people and gloriously lit cinematographic shots. But the other looks like it's been shot with a handycam under natural (bad) lighting and loosely edited together like snippets of real life unfolding before your eyes. So yeah, often I drop the pronouns in the beginning of my sentences, leave lines incomplete like words unspoken for the reader to surmise on their own. Use long rambly sentences if a character isn't in the mood to bother with pausing at the appropriate places, as if they just want to get something off their chest as quickly as possible.

I use slightly heavy vocabulary for X-Men because that's what they like to do in the animations and movies. But if it's RPS then I write the way I think my American friends speak - fast and casual and perpetually high *giggles* and endearingly imperfect, so long as it makes sense. Yeah my language isn't great, often some typos and stupid mistakes go unchecked. But I spellcheck constantly and I use betas - in fact for my bigbang fic I used four. I incorporated 90% of the inputs they gave me and left out 10% on purpose, the purpose being what I just described above.. I want it to "sound" real. And that's just me. Others have infinite command on language or are expert wordsmiths, I'm not. I just have this.

So yeah, I don't play by the rules. But my question is - who laid out these rules anyway? Why is it unacceptable to use "younger man" or "taller man" so long as you don't overdo it? The overuse of he's and his' gets quickly annoying and just how many times can you use "Jared" to refer to Jared and "Jensen" to refer to Jensen and "Padalecki" to refer to Jared and "Ackles" to refer to Jensen in one paragraph for God's sake? Who says using ellipsis is wrong and why can I NOT use long sentences if that is how I visualize my character talking in my head? Why can't I NOT switch POV from one section to another? I mean I totally understand if I switch suddenly 'cause that is confusing to follow, but why does the whole chapter have to be in one POV damn it?

Whose rules am I expected to follow and why? I'm not charging you to read, I'm not publishing even in fanzines which I think venture too close to copyright infringement. Then why can't I not follow my own rules so long as the end product is readable and likeable? And.. uh.. it is readable, right? At least I like to think that it is.. *shrugs*.. again it comes back to what I said before - writing what I want to read myself. 

*sighs* I know I'm just an average writer, but I'm happy that way. English is not my mother tongue, and I work hard to keep it as neutral as possible. Writing isn't my life, but it's pretty darn close to it :) Writing is fun, writing for others who appreciate it, even more so. And I really really want to keep it that way.

I'm sorry if you've reached the end of this post and still wondering what the whole point to this outburst was. I just.. felt like I should apologize for and explain any "badfic" elements you might have come across on this LJ. And I want to thank you if you've ever thought of one of my fics as utter crap but kindly kept your thoughts to yourself heh :) Considering how hurtful fandom (esp SPN) gets at times, I truly treasure all the encouragement you guys have given me.

Thank you so so much.

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Bad day?
Oh hon, you have no idea.

I guess we all occasionally feel insecure. I especially feel miserable today because someone whose writing I have always squeed on, told me she didn't read my bigbang fic because my grammar sucks. This after 4 betas? Really?? *sighs*

Sometimes I just don't know why I bother. But its thanks to kind and generous friends like you that I'm not going to give up. Not yet anyway heh ;) Thank you so much sweetie *hugs back*

(Deleted comment)
Heh.. you getting annoyed on my behalf is so cute :) *cuddles* She basically said she started reading but couldn't finish because of grammar and punctuations. Honestly its okay that she didn't like my fic. Not everyone likes everything. But the reason she gave is why I got so worked up... all these rules about how to punctuate!!... maybe I'm wrong, I don't know. But I don't want to follow the damn rules and I won't period.

Seriously in a couple of days time you'll be ok about it,
Keep being you.


Thanks sweetheart, you're too kind to me really. *hugs*

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