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cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

v14.0


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Misc: Therapist
cyndrarae

Venting, just because..

I want to get something off my chest.. would highly recommend the faint of heart (when it comes to writing!wank) to ignore this post.

I know I'm just an average writer, maybe even less. I know there are much much better storytellers out there in comparison to whom, God knows, I fail and miserably at that. But I'd also like to point out that I really don't even want to compete with anyone out there. I just want to be able to write something that I'd want to read myself. And if someone else also ends up having a good time with it and sharing the fandom love, then even better :) That's all I want. I don't want to be a professional writer. I don't want to have a zillion fans. All I want is to have fun and the last thing I want is to be told I suck because I don't abide by the so-called "rules" of fanfiction.

Honestly, there are times when I don't play by the rules on purpose, just to get that raw 'unpracticed' feeling. So it doesn't sound like something you'll read in a text book - instead it should sound like something you might actually say when you read it out loud. It's the difference between, say Grey's Anatomy and Friday Night Lights. One's all about perfect angles and beautiful people and gloriously lit cinematographic shots. But the other looks like it's been shot with a handycam under natural (bad) lighting and loosely edited together like snippets of real life unfolding before your eyes. So yeah, often I drop the pronouns in the beginning of my sentences, leave lines incomplete like words unspoken for the reader to surmise on their own. Use long rambly sentences if a character isn't in the mood to bother with pausing at the appropriate places, as if they just want to get something off their chest as quickly as possible.

I use slightly heavy vocabulary for X-Men because that's what they like to do in the animations and movies. But if it's RPS then I write the way I think my American friends speak - fast and casual and perpetually high *giggles* and endearingly imperfect, so long as it makes sense. Yeah my language isn't great, often some typos and stupid mistakes go unchecked. But I spellcheck constantly and I use betas - in fact for my bigbang fic I used four. I incorporated 90% of the inputs they gave me and left out 10% on purpose, the purpose being what I just described above.. I want it to "sound" real. And that's just me. Others have infinite command on language or are expert wordsmiths, I'm not. I just have this.

So yeah, I don't play by the rules. But my question is - who laid out these rules anyway? Why is it unacceptable to use "younger man" or "taller man" so long as you don't overdo it? The overuse of he's and his' gets quickly annoying and just how many times can you use "Jared" to refer to Jared and "Jensen" to refer to Jensen and "Padalecki" to refer to Jared and "Ackles" to refer to Jensen in one paragraph for God's sake? Who says using ellipsis is wrong and why can I NOT use long sentences if that is how I visualize my character talking in my head? Why can't I NOT switch POV from one section to another? I mean I totally understand if I switch suddenly 'cause that is confusing to follow, but why does the whole chapter have to be in one POV damn it?

Whose rules am I expected to follow and why? I'm not charging you to read, I'm not publishing even in fanzines which I think venture too close to copyright infringement. Then why can't I not follow my own rules so long as the end product is readable and likeable? And.. uh.. it is readable, right? At least I like to think that it is.. *shrugs*.. again it comes back to what I said before - writing what I want to read myself. 

*sighs* I know I'm just an average writer, but I'm happy that way. English is not my mother tongue, and I work hard to keep it as neutral as possible. Writing isn't my life, but it's pretty darn close to it :) Writing is fun, writing for others who appreciate it, even more so. And I really really want to keep it that way.

I'm sorry if you've reached the end of this post and still wondering what the whole point to this outburst was. I just.. felt like I should apologize for and explain any "badfic" elements you might have come across on this LJ. And I want to thank you if you've ever thought of one of my fics as utter crap but kindly kept your thoughts to yourself heh :) Considering how hurtful fandom (esp SPN) gets at times, I truly treasure all the encouragement you guys have given me.

Thank you so so much.

wow...i dont know why you felt the need to post this, i just wanted to add my comment, saying that i enjoyed everything you have written so far, which is the point of fandom, at least to me...to enjoy wha others write and what you would have loved to see on tv etc...just like you said...

so whatever promted this, i love your work, Thanks for sharing...and lots of hugs from my end...

hugs

Thanks so much hon. I just.. am feeling very insecure right now. I have moodswings heh. But your words really help a lot. cheers *hugs back*

Wow! I'm sorry for whatever happened to prompt this. Seriously.

I would never call you an "average" writer - your writing is amazing. It was your "of hot showers..." fic that brought me to the fandom and it's one that I've gone back to read several times.

I've enjoyed everything of yours that I've read and one of the things that I enjoy is that it doesn't sound overly clinical or formal.

Please don't get discouraged!

Thank you so much! You have no idea how much your words mean to me. *clings* I just allowed someone, whose writing I admired actually, to make me feel like crap. And I know I shouldn't have but... its just one of those days you know. *sighs*
cheers hon.

Sweetie, you are FAR beyond an 'average' writer, and don't let anyone tell you differently. Seems to me (although I'm no expert, by any means) that everything you've described here is stylistic choice, and an artist's only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his/her own terms, not anyone else's (and okay, that's from one of Salinger's novels, but I think it's a universal truth for anyone who's creative). Your writing is beautiful and sensitive, erotic and sexy and funny; you're absolutely one of my favorite writers, and I have excellent taste. ;)

I certainly don't follow the rules with what I write, either, and I don't want to. You hope that your writing is accessible, but beyond that? Nothing's written in stone (no pun intended). There are always people who excel at pointing out grammatical or structural liberties, and it's always good to be aware of what you're doing, but even the best writers take such liberties, and are loved for them, too.

I can't imagine who would have told you 'you suck', but they sound petty and small-minded to me. A good Beta is invaluable, but a person who's simply there as an enforcer of fan fiction 'law' is not a friend to you or your writing. Consider the source and blow them off, sweetie. *hugs you* You know in your heart that they're full of crap! :)

Thank you so so so much sweetheart!! I can take criticism but it's just harder when you admire someone's writing and they're the ones who put you down for such (hopefully) incongruous reasons. Just hurts a lot.
But then I admire you and your wonderful writing MORE and I suppose you do have good taste so.. :D:D
Thank you so much sweetie.. I just don't know what else to say. Wish you were here *clings*

Just wanted to say that I love your writing and hope that you carry on doing just what you are doing :) hugs :)

Thank you sweetheart, thank you so much!! I badly need some reassurance today heh :) *clings*

When you paint word pictures for me to enjoy, that's awesome writing. I know I'm not the most sophisticated person, or the most intelligent. You never patronize me as a reader, nor do you leave me wondering why I have no clue in hell of ever understanding what you're trying to say. I love the stories you write. If you wanted a career as a writer I have no doubt it would happen.
I don't read Faulkner for his portrayal of Sam and Dean Winchester - I'm sure, though, he'd make his own rules.

You never patronize me as a reader
Thank you! I hate it when its done to me as a reader myself.

And wow, thank you so much for the kind words hon, I really need them today heh.

I don't read Faulkner for his portrayal of Sam and Dean Winchester - I'm sure, though, he'd make his own rules.

*sighs* Again.. THANK YOU SO MUCH! There is a groupism mentality in spn fandom that sometimes gets to me. But yeah.. just, thank you. SO MUCH. *hugs*

Sweetie, your fics rock. Period. End of story. If all fics were written like published books, and every punctuation and capitalization and vocabulary and whatever was in exact textbook fashion or exactly like everyone else's writing out there in ficland, it would be kind of redundant and a bit boring, IMO. I'm sure I could read a fic posted anonymously by you and know it was one of yours just by knowing your writing style and the way you describe character mannerisms and scene settings and the like. You have your own storytelling style, and believe me when I say it's an awesome style. :)

*hugs you tight* Thank you so much hon. Just having a really long and really bad day. I have a style?? Really?? *bites fingernails* Like, really? Oh sweetie... you are too nice to me, really :) *clings*

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Bad day?
Oh hon, you have no idea.

I guess we all occasionally feel insecure. I especially feel miserable today because someone whose writing I have always squeed on, told me she didn't read my bigbang fic because my grammar sucks. This after 4 betas? Really?? *sighs*

Sometimes I just don't know why I bother. But its thanks to kind and generous friends like you that I'm not going to give up. Not yet anyway heh ;) Thank you so much sweetie *hugs back*

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I am someone who hates "the taller one" and "younger one" in a fic.

That being said, I never noticed it in your fics. That should tell you that it works for you! You don' t overdo it, or push it too hard, or anything like that! You're right in trusting yourself - you know what's best for your fic.

Haha.. that's a relief to hear really! I do use them, but I guess if its not bothering you then its okay? *sighs*

You're right in trusting yourself - you know what's best for your fic.
Thank you so much sweetie, you're so right.. I need to not be so bloody insecure and not let people drag me down so easily. Just having a bad day I guess heh.

cheers hon. *hugs you tight*

It's the difference between, say Grey's Anatomy and Friday Night Lights. One's all about perfect angles and beautiful people and gloriously lit cinematographic shots. But the other looks like it's been shot with a handycam under natural (bad) lighting and loosely edited together like snippets of real life unfolding before your eyes.

Yes, exactly! Which I why-depending on which fandom I'm writing for-I say to hell with "the rules" and just write things they way I think they sound best. Most of the times it works, sometimes it doesn't, but either way, I wrote it and it's mine.

Who says using ellipsis is wrong and why can I NOT use long sentences if that is how I visualize my character talking in my head? Why can't I NOT switch POV from one section to another?

Personally? I love that; I am all for well-used ellipses(es?) and sometimes, the characters Just. Won't. Shut. Up. long enough for you to get some punctuation in there, so you just have to let them have their minute to ramble.

Most of the times it works, sometimes it doesn't, but either way, I wrote it and it's mine.

Thank you! And that's the way it should be right? I don't know why I let myself be so affected today.. just one of those days you know. It's great to know you guys agree with me.

I love the rambly characters too :) There are moments when I just wanna say to hell with punctuation, this is how I hear it in my head and hence this is how I will write it.

cheers hon. Glad to know I'm not the only one challenging the stupid rules :) *hugs*

Just de-lurking to say, I love your fic! There are those of us out there whom you don't even know about, following the fic of you writers that have most touched us. Fie on anyone who complains!

:)

*goes back to lurking*

Thank you so much for your kind words hon. It really means a lot to me.. I needed this! Thank you :) *hugs*

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I overuse Jensen, Jared, his and him. I... like it :D I know it makes no sense, and it breaks the one rule that I do stick to like insane (blame my teacher) and that's the no-repeating-words rule.

I haven't noticed it in your writing hon, I guess that means you're NOT overusing it :)

Thank you so much for the kind words sweetie and for the not comparison to Yesenin heh ;) But I see what you mean. I do not intend to follow the rules I don't agree with, no matter how prevalent or popular they may be in fandom. And I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who thinks that :)

*cuddles with your rant* cheers sweetie :)

Upset ranting time. This is my pouty face. 8(

... Someone actually tried to tell you that there are RULES for FANFICTION?

Excuse me while I laugh uproariously.

Fuck 'em. And I'm seriously angry here. I've had a bad day, my FwB is ignoring me when all I was in a hug, I caught my fingers in a blender and cut them all up (don't ask me how), probably bombed my english test because I don't feel like writing a page on the plot summary, rising action, climax, and falling action of a short story that was about 4 pages long, and am now in psychology, on the internet, and THERE'S SOMEONE TRYING TO TELL ME THERE'S RULES FOR WRITING FANFICTION?

First of all, nowadays there a barely rules for writing books, if this person has ever picked up one of the new 'stream of conscious writing' stories out there, or has read Catcher in the Rye. And if there are? They constantly change until you really can't even justify telling someone that.

I love how you write, -because- you try new things and throw 'rules' out the window for the overall FEEL of the piece. I like it when I can act out what the characters saying because it's something a real person would say. Stuttering, badly worded and all! And I hate that someone could possibly hurt you, telling you this! Especially when it means they themselves are breaking the fandom rules their preaching! Fandom is suppose to be supportive, help improve writers and never bring them down. That's a flame, thats trolling and we hate that.

*cuddle* Let's have a raid. =P

Re: Upset ranting time. This is my pouty face. 8(

I know right? I understand the rules of grammar, but I don't get these "norms" people seem to be professing and I sure don't like to be judged because I don't follow them.

Anyway, what matters is that I like what I write and you guys like what I write and that should be enough. Thank you so so much for your support sweetie :) I was having a dismal day and really really needed this.. You're totally awesome sbama you know that right? :)
*cuddles*

You're definitely above average. :D I like the realistic syntax, and the fact that you can put plot together so well is amazing (I absolutely suck at writing cohesively). As far as I've read of your stories, there is no badfic.

Thank you!! I'm glad my writing works for you hon :) I was just having a very bad day and your comment's made it so much better, cheers!

::hugs:: Silly girl. I think you're a wonderful writer. I cannot remember ever skimming through anything of yours I've read (and coming from me that's ridiculously high praise.) You do a kickass job of making things sound real, and, well, I love the way you write, even if sometimes I go comma-bitch on you. :P

I hope nobody bitched at you for "breaking the rules," but if they did, please PM me who it was so I can try to screw them over in my own passive-aggressive way? :D

For the record: I totally agree with you on writing any way you damn well please. And other people, too. But even more for the record: there is bad fic out there. Yours is not. Yours is the fic I recommend to absolutely everyone and reread when I need something awesome. And I don't say that cause I adore you, I say that cause it's true.

PS: I use "the younger man," et cetera, quite frequently. I use ellipses and, even worse, the dreaded --'s. Lots of "real live writers" do as well. It clarifies things and gives the writing character.

I'm serious about kicking the ass of anyone picking on you.

You are so awesome. Yeah, Cyndra, if Captain Chaos has your back, you've got nothing to worry about. :)

PS: I read above what happened with the person "not being able to finish" because of the so-called poor grammar. Oh, PLEASE... *rolls eyes* Can you say obsessive-compulsive disorder? And okay, I'd better shut up now, before I get really bitchy... :)

And why, in all my years of fanfiction reading have I never heard of the so-called rules? There are no rules to fanfiction! That's the whole point of it; to express how you think the characters are in a situation you create. The only rules that matter in the slightest are the rules of grammar. Which can be tampered with heavily when writing for 'voice.' Has this person never heard of artistic license?

The way you write is the way a person thinks and speaks in everyday life. I enjoy listening to your stories. And note that I said 'listening', because that's what it's like when I read your fanfics. Like I have a little narrator sitting on my shoulder. That's such a hard thing to achieve, Cyndra, I hope you realize that. To be able to write with such life is a talent and never once have you entered the realm of 'bad fanfiction.' The closed you ever came was using // \\ for thoughts in your X-men stories. And I have seen PUBLISHED AUTHORS doing that. Mercedies Lackey does it all the time for psychic mind-linky thoughts.

The way you write is wonderful Cyndra, you don't have to apologize for it. Critics are there to offer advice, true, but there is a palpable difference between a critic and a flamer.

The only rules that matter in the slightest are the rules of grammar.

I know right? Thank you so much for supporting me on this one hon. I just don't understand why I should get judged for not following a certain "format" of writing. And I really shouldn't have taken this one person's opinion to heart but.. I don't know what got into me. Maybe because I have always admired her, that's why *sighs*

Mercedies Lackey does it all the time for psychic mind-linky thoughts.

She does? Oh cool :) I only ever read her gay heroes novels heh :) She's entertaining alright.. just like a good long and amply erotic epic piece of fanfiction, only published and with original characters hehe.

The way you write is wonderful Cyndra, you don't have to apologize for it. Critics are there to offer advice, true, but there is a palpable difference between a critic and a flamer.

Thank you darling. I'm sorry for my outburst. I get moodswings and bouts of insecurity, sorry you had to go through one so soon heh :) *hugs*

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