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JM: Young tilted head closeup

cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

v14.0


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JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

Upset ranting and a question. Actually, several...

I have a request for you guys..

Since you were kind enough to friend me, I assume you have been reading the stuff I write yeah? So I guess you would be the best people to answer this question. Umm... okay see there is this author (who shall forever remain unnamed) that I used to like. And now I don't anymore, because I just realized that all her writing,  ALL of her fifty something series are exactly the same - DEPRESSING.

And dark and hopeless. She keeps breaking the characters down, puts them through so much angst and torture until there is nothing left. And then she does it some more. Even the sex isn't hot, it's just kinda... sad. Dubious consent at best. And I have a point I swear. Okay, let me try again.

See this author... the way she writes is so riveting and so bloody... GOOD that... I can't help but get emotionally involved. I start to relate more than I want to. But the thing is, the plot - the characters' circumstances just keep getting worse and worse and it doesn't get better, ever. Even at the end when the big bad is defeated and it's time to start healing and stuff, it's like... she doesn't really want to go there, where things are getting better. She touches upon them like briefly then shies away to a new torture series. The bad parts are graphic and excruciatingly detailed. And I wonder why she writes the way she does. Every writer has demons of his or her own that they're trying to exorcise through this creative outlet.

I feel for her, I really do. But I cannot put myself through this again.

I cannot, will not read her ever again because she just brings me down so horribly. I keep thinking about it and fret about it and smoke a couple more than my usual limit for the day and sometimes, when I'm three or more glasses of wine down like now, I start to cry and have to literally smack myself in the forehead to remind me that it's not real. That it's only fiction.

Yeah, that's how good she is. So.. I'm done with her. Which brings me back to my original reason for this post.

Now I write a considerable amount of angst myself right. And clearly it is a level of pathos I am personally comfortable with, just like the writer mentioned above is comfortable with hers. But what do YOU guys as READERS think? Have I written something, anything so far that has brought you down? Upset you somehow? Made you feel like - "Dude, this is way too painful for me." ? Or "Dude, what is this girl's childhood trauma??" Or "Okay. Reading that one was a mistake." ???

Because, I don't think I want to be that kind of writer that makes people sad. I want to write happy stuff, optimistic stuff. Altho realistically speaking, I suck at fluff. But the least I can do is... write something hopeful you know. And not offload my personal demons onto my readers. I just don't want to do that.

So... umm... I need to know what you guys think? And if there is a piece of my writing that upsets you?

I probably won't take it down for the sake of maintaining my archive to show progress made (bleh if any!) through the years. But it would really help me understand myself and my writing a little more. This is not an attempt to go professional in any way haha. My stupid job and my husband and my dog keep me busy plenty enough thank you. I just... I'm curious you know?

Is there any reason for why we write angst in the first place? And why do we even read it?? What the fuck do we get out of these sad, tragic stories????

........


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Hey there! I have a pretty simple response to this, and it's "not at all." Regarding your fic, that is. As you pointed out, you're big on the cuddles. :) It's a good thing.

As for angst in general, it's perfectly fine to a certain extent. I personally have a very long history of writing angst, but I shied away from it after I crossed a couple of lines (in original fiction) that should not have been crossed. I haven't read all of your fic, having no knowledge of the "X-Men" fandom, but what I have read has definitely stayed between the lines.

And for why we write angst, I think for me it often is a form of escapism...when my real life gets me down, I can just sit down and write the story of John Doe, throwing all sorts of crap at him until I realize that my life is actually pretty okay. But I've actually had a few discussions abut that, and the general consensus is that while it's fine to use writing to work through your emotions, most of the time-especially if you take issues directly from your own childhoos trauma and whatnot-it won't be as enjoyable for other people to read, and probably shouldn't be shared. (And I do know one writer who, bless her heart, is immensely talented, but keeps writing fanfiction about her own psychology, so I've stopped reading it.)

As for why we read angst: humans crave drama. We get rushes from any kind of strong emotion. It's part of being human Even if it makes you miserable, sometimes it can be an ecstatic misery, where it's so beautiful and so noble and so sad that you just fall in love with it. And that drew me to angst for the longest time. But over the past couple of years-as I've matured, I guess-I haven't gotten the same response from it. I can enjoy the minor angst, as long as it isn't so consuming that it's the "single effect" I take from the story. But it's very draining to read that kind of piled-on angst, when there are no happy endings and you can't shake it. (That's why I no longer read character death fics. All the Dean angst was killing me.)

And wow, I seem to have written a novel here! Congratulations if you've slogged through it, lol. Anyway, hun, I think your fics are positively beautiful. You don't abuse the privilege of writing angst at all. :)

Hey girl,

Um, yeah....I second exactly what Cam said! (You took the words right out of my mouth, truly)

he general consensus is that while it's fine to use writing to work through your emotions, most of the time-especially if you take issues directly from your own childhoos trauma and whatnot-it won't be as enjoyable for other people to read, and probably shouldn't be shared.
I'm with ya! I guess that author is working through some issues but GAWD.. those must be some big-time PTSD issues. I could have done without feeling her misery so intensely though. But even if she knew the effect she is having on her readers, I don't think she is obligated to care. She should do what she needs to do *shrugs*. And I should avoid her LJ completely.

But it's very draining to read that kind of piled-on angst, when there are no happy endings and you can't shake it. (That's why I no longer read character death fics. All the Dean angst was killing me.)
Haha yeah, agree with you again. If there is a warning of "character death" on a fic I don't open it period. On the other hand, a warning for "angst" makes me wanna open it before everything else. *shrugs* It's what I'm trying to figure.. how much is too much. Because one thing's for sure - I like angst!

Anyway, hun, I think your fics are positively beautiful. You don't abuse the privilege of writing angst at all. :)
So okay, look I was pretty emo yesterday but it was mostly the wine talking lol. But I was genuinely upset and NOT fishing for compliments I swear :P Having said that, whew, thank you sweetheart :) *hugs* Your words mean the world to me. Thank you.

::hugs back:: I was totally serious. Cause I'm with you on being drawn to angst...that's actually why I had to make the "no character death" rule, cause I kept clicking for the pretty angst and then being wimpier than I expected, lol. But your fics can be gorgeous and dark without taking it too far. I think you're doing everything right, and well, I just should have told you before now. :)

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