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JM: Young tilted head closeup

cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

v14.0


JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

Mutant X: Blues (B/J) - 1: Tears to Dry



Prologue - Tears to Dry

~Remington, DC~

Jesse sees only what he wants to see.
He didn’t see the appreciative glances, lusting looks. He failed to notice the heads that turned once and again to greet the strange stranger in their midst. All he saw was prying eyes, mocking, leering… disgusted eyes and his head spun. He gulped down another burning shot and escaped to the bathroom. Stood at the mirror and glared at himself.
Ugly… he was ugly. Worthless, insubstantial… ordinary at best.
Wait, this is wrong. He wasn’t supposed to feel this way… not anymore. They’d dealt with this a long time ago. Adam had worked so hard. Jesse was a beautiful and valuable person. He was sure of it… once.

When I want rain, I get sunny weather
I'm just as blue, blue as the sky
Since love has gone, I can't get myself together
Guess I'll hang my tears out to dry…


*****

Brennan was *this* close to exploding.
If the bouncer knew what was best for him, he’d get out of his way right now. He did. Brennan burst into the club, breathless and desperate. Fists clenching and unclenching incessantly by his sides, eyes scouring without really seeing much. He had to find Jesse. He didn’t know what he would do once he did though… didn’t have a plan yet. But he knew it was not going to be easy. Jesse would not be the self-less, forgiving, understanding Jesse everyone knew and took for granted.
And dear God he *shouldn’t*… he shouldn’t.
Brennan walked up one direction until he reached the bar… didn’t find what he was looking for so he turned around and went the other. Ignored the many people admiring him openly, head to toe. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so… so… inadequate.

*****

Jesse closed his eyes again, swallowed the memories. Remembered something, his eyes flew open and he reached into his jacket pocket. There, jangling with his platinum comlink ring was what he wanted. A gold cased sparkling blue eye-liner… stole it from Shalimar. Why were his eyes green? He hated green. Why couldn’t they be blue?
With trembling hands Jesse opened it. Of course it wouldn’t help, nothing could help his… ugliness. Brennan wouldn’t like it… Brennan wasn’t here was he. And never would. He would never come to a joint like this. Remington’s… not a place for people who hated themselves. Then what was Jesse doing here?
His hands shook and he waited for them to still. They didn’t.

*****

Brennan tried the comlink again. No response. He then commed Emma and a second time asked her if she was sure *this* was the place. Positive, she sent back curtly. No assurances, no consolation… nothing but disappointment.
He deserved it. Deserved all the anger and hell this night could rear but not Jess. Never Jess. He took the stairs three at a time and reached another dimly lit room bathed in blue, a live band playing upfront.
Not a place he would come to if he was as upset as Jesse was right now. He couldn’t imagine why the usually quiet and reclusive man would come here either. Maybe… it was the freedom.
Everywhere he looked, he saw men… freer than they could usually be outside… in the real world. Here, they could be real. Brennan was only beginning to realize what might be going through Jesse’s mind. The band played a haunting soul rendition of some old classic… wasn’t that Sinatra? Jesse liked Sinatra.

Dry little tear drops, my little tear drops
Moving on a stream of dreams
My little memories, those precious memories
Remind me of our crazy schemes…


*****

There were few people in this world who could reduce him to this… but Jesse had never, not once even in his worst nightmares ever thought Brennan would become one of them. In that moment, all he felt was cold and bitter hate.
Jesse came out of his hiding place… needed another drink. He let his longish hair veil his face, his now sketchily colored eyes, bitten through lips… didn’t like the way this guy kept looking at him. One drink… then you leave, he told himself. Go where? Don’t know. Don’t care. Drink. He didn’t see the tall figure in the familiar black duster walking away… towards the door, heavy slow strides… head hung low.

Then somebody says, just forget about her
But I gave that treatment a try
Strangely enough, I got along without her
Then one day she passed me right by - oh well
I guess I'll hang my tears out to dry…



***************************


Next chapter

JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

Mutant X: Blues (B/J) - 2: Something I can never have



Previous chapter


~Earlier… Capitol Hilton, DC.~
***************************

Jesse wasn’t too keen to come back, in fact he totally dreaded making this trip. To the city Jesse was born… where his mother was born… great-grandfather made his first million. Didn’t feel anything like home though… ancestral grounds sure… to his politically active, socially relevant, stinking rich family. Didn’t feel anything like family either.

I still recall the taste of my tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.


The Helix descended in stealth mode over the venue where the rich, powerful and the intellectual crème of USA had gathered to commemorate the sixtieth birth anniversary of the HGP. Human Genome Project… only the most significant genetic research organisation in the world. An institution that, in the last four decades, had amassed enormous political and social leverage in the new world. Adam’s first playground right after Harvard… a haven he later regretted to have left for the dazzling success and fame Genomex promised.

Eckhart was here. With what intentions, Adam didn’t know. To sabotage important research work? Venture a collaboration to provide greater protection to GSA? Scheme and plot destruction of new mutants all over the world? Mutant-X had to know.

My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head 'till
i don't want to sleep anymore…


Noah was never around, and Victoria Spencer Kilmartin soon tired of waiting around for her husband to return. She eventually took her baby son and moved back into her dad’s mansion. Jesse spent six young years in DC before being shipped off to boarding school. In his last year of school, Jesse’s mutation made itself apparent. His eminent institution promptly packed him up and sent him back to his grandfather without letting him complete his education. All the teenager wanted was answers… and a way to control the phasing… the pain, the suffocation. What he didn’t ask for was grandpa Spencer’s taunting and humiliation. He was disowned for being “genetically impaired”… a black spot on the Spencers’ untarnished political image. Separated from a self-absorbed husband and only son, this was the city his mother drank herself to depression… then death.
Funny how a piece of geography can come to symbolise all of a man’s life’s miseries.

Jesse Kilmartin remembered the funeral vividly. It was beautiful… meticulously planned and extremely well organized. Clinical.
Composed, politically correct speeches, eminent dignitaries, camera flashes. No tears, not even in Jesse’s eyes. He felt nothing but silent seething rage, and he couldn’t vent that either since grandpa decided there’d be no time or need for the defective son to speak. Jesse stood somewhere in the fourth row not able to see his mother lowered to the ground and not giving a flying fuck. Nothing mattered anymore to the eighteen year old and he mattered to no one. No one except one man who stood in the shadows paying his respects to an old friend… and watching intently her only legacy.

Adam came for Jesse at the funeral. Their destinies entwined together forever, in DC.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.


Mutants… a shameful secret whispered behind closed doors of the project… anomalies not worth their time, energy or precious funding. The implications of acknowledging this new race of beings were far-reaching and extremely dangerous, and the world according to them, was not ready.
The foursome were probably the only mutants in the building… at least they hoped so. Wouldn’t do much good for the Strand to show up cause havoc.

Dressed to kill… men and women alike couldn’t take their eyes off Shalimar in red as she prowled the hall. Heck she *owned* the hall. Blatant and brazen… a predator who refused to lurk in shadows to hunt. She left no doubt in Eckhart’s mind he was about to face stiff opposition, no matter what he’d planned for tonight. Emma in somber black as usual… her wardrobe a mirror to the thickening darkness in her soul.

But Brennan had eyes for one alone… one who threw the occasional discreet smile his way, setting his senses ablaze. One who would try his absolute best and fail to lose himself in a crowd…

“Careful Jess.”
He sent over the comlink. “You spill another drink on a fourteen thousand dollar sequin dress and I disown you.”
Jesse blew him a big lip-smacking kiss and he blushed. Swirled sideways and about to ensure no one else saw it while Jesse smirked in amusement. Then hissed into his comlink not so discretely.
“Thou prude.”
“Thou asshole.” Pat came the reply.
People wondered why the blonde young man kept chuckling to himself.

MutantX mingled while on the lookout for suspicious agent-like specimens who might be working the crowd. Adam managed to catch up with old colleagues and lost himself in days of old. So many memories. Soon they drifted apart from each other, Brennan missing the soothing presence of his partner sorely.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now…


“Grandfather?”
Congressman Spencer paused mid-sentence at the hesitant, disturbingly familiar endearment. He looked at the group of respected colleagues and bunch of sycophants surrounding him… silently cursed his deceased daughter, and turned around to face the estranged relative.


**************************


Next chapter

JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

Mutant X: Blues (B/J) - 3: Don’t be ridiculous



Previous chapter


~Capitol Hilton, DC.~
***************************

I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me,
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes…


Jesse had been perfectly happy teasing his boyfriend from a distance as he quietly surveyed the room. Eckhart came with agents alright, but so far he’d shown no intention besides trying to gain the state’s favour. And his agents seemed to be tame as well. No signs of trouble, hell no signs of *intent* of trouble. Just the way he wanted it… action is good, but not when innocent people’s lives might be at stake.

Brennan for all his street-wised arrogance and bravado was unusually shy about his very first gay relationship. One look at the younger man almost a year ago, Brennan had felt his heart turn like it never had before. He took his time coming to terms with the realisation that he was attracted to another man… to Jesse.

Jesse on the other hand had had enough time to know and understand himself ever since he hit puberty. His late mother’s long-distance encouragement perhaps would have been enough to help him become comfortable in his own skin, had it not been repeatedly razed by grandpa Spencer’s merciless rejections. Adam had walked into his life at a time when Jesse was convinced that his very being was unjustifiably *wrong*. He was a freak of nature as is. Could a gay freak be any much worse?

“You like him?”
Jesse had flushed bright red at Adam’s words. This was when Brennan was new to the Sanctuary and Jesse couldn’t for the life of him, stop staring at the beautiful man. A sheepish smile was all he could manage in exchange of Adam’s warm one and he’d shrugged.
“He’s not… you know… I don’t think he is…”
“Hmm.”
“But then sometimes, when he looks at me, I get this weird feeling that maybe… you know?”
Jesse’s mentor and guardian had had a surprisingly reassuring twinkle in his eyes, when he said, “I know.”

Jesse had waited patiently, for a year. And only six weeks ago when Brennan finally gave in to temptation, Jesse was there to catch him, hold him… assure him he wasn’t alone in his craziness.

As expected, the age-old dilemma of ‘to come out or not to come out’ caught up with Brennan. And he fought it.
“It isn’t their business… it’s my life… no one else needs to know… ”
He was edgy when Jesse told him he told Shalimar about them being together, but accepted the fact that Shal was like a sister to Jesse. He freaked when Jesse told him that Adam knew too, that he’d kinda *guessed* it. And of course Emma would know. How could she *not* know.

Hell he’d been upset… and they almost had their first argument as a couple. Jesse hadn’t expected the outburst and did his best to assure Brennan it really wasn’t a big deal. That Adam had always been supportive no matter what. That Emma had read it in Brennan’s thoughts the very moment he’d… *thought* it, when they had first met Jesse… surrounded by a horde of GS agents.

“And Shalimar doesn’t think much of you anyway.”
That was supposed to be a joke.

Brennan Mulwray did not need acceptance or admiration of others to thrive on. But he would not stand for their criticisms or judgements either. He *despised* being judged.
“I just need more time Jess…”
Jesse… ever-considerate, ever-understanding Jesse. He would give Brennan as much time as he needed. But that wouldn’t stop him from having as much fun at his expense as possible.

The seventh time Brennan turned to check on where his lover was, he found the emerald eyes staring back at him already gleaming with mischief. Without ceremony, pink tongue sneaked out, swiping slowly across lush upper lip and slipped back in. He *knew* what that gesture did to Brennan.
~Bastard.~
He snickered when Brennan narrowed his eyes at him swearing revenge, and turned away just for a second… but that was enough. A distant memory flickered, and before long he realized *who* he was looking at.

Every step that I take
is another mistake to you…


“Grandfather?”
The word uttered more to himself, not really wanting to attract the guy’s attention. But it was too late to retract. The shoulders stiffened, the back of the head he’d recognize anywhere slowly shifted from view as the republican turned to look at Jesse.

How long had it been? Jesse did not know what to expect, seeing him here of all places. Especially since their last confrontation had ended in disaster. Jesse had moved on, never one to hang around where he wasn’t welcome. He’d felt angry and disappointed. But the child in Jesse still, at some level, continued to crave for the love he was denied. By this man.

Congressman Spencer gave him a cursory look, one of disdain and disgust like he was talking to some filthy homeless tramp instead of an immaculately presented grandchild by flesh and blood. And the voice that knew its virtue rose in derision.
“Relatives for a dime, gentlemen!”
Mocking laughter.

Jesse blinked. Painful memories flooded home, initial shock of running into his grandfather having worn off. He was left feeling exactly the way he had four years ago. Small, unwanted, worthless… freak.
“I… I’m sorry.”
And that was all Jess could manage. He turned slowly to walk away, hazily wondering what he was doing there again… oh yeah, the mission…

“Do you know this man Spencer?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, of course not.”
The retort was too curt, too quick to be casual. Jesse rushed out, got away before journalists caught onto the scandalous family feud, away from the garishness… the scorn of years past and present ringing in his ears.
“My *real* grandson lives in Sweden… doesn’t come down here much anymore… politics bores him as far as I can tell…”

Brennan and Shalimar were too far to witness the short exchange. Adam was still engrossed in an engaging debate on ethics in genetic testing. Emma stood across the room and silently watched Jesse half thrash, half phase his way out of Capitol Hilton.

But I know
I may end up falling too,
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you...



***************************

Next Chapter >>

JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

Mutant X: Blues (B/J) - 4: My family, my Sanctuary



Previous chapter


~The Washington Marriott.~
***************************

Adam was relieved to see the evening at the Hilton wrap up peacefully and Eckhart left with his goons in tow without getting the meeting he’d wanted with the president of HGP. Despite his notoriety, Adam Kane was still an extremely respected name in the genetic circles and he realised it was never too late to rekindle old friendships. Adam gave in to the youngsters’ demands to stay on another day as vacation and they checked into the Mariott that very night. Jesse did not want to stay on, but seeing how excited everyone was, he didn’t argue.

Brennan wondered why Jesse seemed so out of it. He had disappeared by himself from the party and when Brennan caught him later on the comlink, he’d mumbled something about feeling claustrophobic.
“I didn’t know you were claustrophobic?”
And Jesse had snapped.
“Yeah well there are a lot of things you don’t know about me Brennan.”
Silence. Jesse sighed.
“I’m sorry. It… comes and goes, really.”

Back in their own hotel suite, he looked drawn but refused to discuss it.
After about an hour of standing at the balcony staring off in utter silence, Brennan decided Jesse’d had enough space… and enough of the capital skyline to last a lifetime.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
Jesse let himself be engulfed in a comforting hug and buried his face in Brennan’s neck. Couldn’t look into his eyes while he lied now could he.
“I’m fine really, just a little tired that’s all.”

Brennan held him, vaguely comparing him to a spooked horse. He slipped a hand under Jesse’s t-shirt from behind and rubbed the length of his spine. It amazed Jesse how his boyfriend’s hands were always so warm… they felt big and plush and wonderful as they slowly but surely drained out the tension from his body. The younger man leaned heavily into Brennan’s chest. Few minutes passed before he raised his head so his lips were within kissing distance of Brennan’s… inviting the older man to take the next step. They nuzzled noses until Brennan tilted his head and pressed his lips to Jesse’s with excruciating gentleness. Jesse sighed.

The memories could wait… forever if Jesse could help it. He needed nothing but this… this quiet assurance of Brennan’s eyes… the ever dependable strength of his arms to rest in.
~ And to forget… ~
The kiss progressed from gentle to insistent to passionate and unstoppable. Brennan made amply clear his intentions to go much… much further and while Jesse was pliant at first, he grew more and more responsive as night turned to dawn.

By next morning, he was himself despite Brennan having given him plenty reason to be *really* exhausted.
“Thanks.” he murmured softly, as he turned in their king-sized bed to face a slowly rousing Brennan. The older man squinted his eyes open and stretched out.
“For what?”
~For being here, for being you… for putting up with me… ~
Jesse shrugged.
Brennan looked him over, and smiled. He pulled Jesse into his patented bear-sized embrace once again and let him rest entirely on top of his own frame, chest to chest. He knew Jesse was no child… but times like these when Jesse would get this… heart-breaking look in his eyes…like he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words to. Made Brennan feel extremely protective of him. Men understand each other that way… they know times like these, talking can be the most difficult thing to do in the world. Brennan knew what Jesse needed because that’s exactly what he would need too. He’d wait.
“You’re welcome.”

*****

Every time I think of you
I feel a shot right through like a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine but it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind…


During the day Shalimar dragged the foursome out to Mazza Gallerie where the girls proceeded to do what they did and enjoyed best… shopping. Even Emma managed to lose herself among the glittering window displays. The guys saw their chance to escape and grabbed it.

Roaming around the mall, Jesse teasingly suggested maybe they should hold hands. Brennan blushed and looked around to see if someone heard him. Jesse chuckled and walked slightly apart from his partner. Mildly stung but he brushed it away fiercely.
~Childish really, Kilmartin.~

Brennan stopped at a window display outside a men’s store. Jesse noticed he was walking alone and turned to see what had caught Brennan’s attention.
Jesse chuckled. “Don’t you think it’s a bit… *Victorian*… for you?”
Brennan frowned at him and then looked back at the display, head tilted to one side as if that would help him see what Jesse saw but clearly he didn’t. Then again, Jesse did possess the better sense of fashion. He shrugged.
“You’d look great in that.”
An unexpected compliment. Jesse glowed, he hadn’t realised Brennan was envisaging it for Jesse, and not himself. Then again, he wouldn’t mind wearing it at all.
“Hey I look great in everything.”
Brennan smiled at him, nodding. “Come on.”
“What? Why?”
“Consider it your last year’s birthday present, one I missed.”
“You missed twenty two birthdays of mine are you gonna gift me something for every one of them?”
“Don’t push it.”
Jesse laughed as he let Brennan grab his elbow and pull him into the store.

****

Friday night and the hotel suites turned into suffocating stasis pods they all wanted to escape. Adam was earlier gifted precious tickets to the Opera he badly wanted to use… apparently he had a thing for ‘A Steetcar Named Desire’, an American classic recently returned to the Washington National Opera. Shalimar decided to give him company, and between her and Adam they dragged Emma along. The remaining two men excused themselves for a night on the town. Well Jesse did, Brennan just… hid in his room until they were gone.

For the nth time, Brennan looked at his tall, well-built self in the mirror and fussed. The black jeans were Jesse’s favorite, snug at all the right places. The blue denim shirt was kind of fading and alongwith the jeans and leather boots, not what you’d call standard clubbing attire but it hardly mattered. Men like Brennan needn’t bother with dressing up for going out… not with that face and that body.
Picked up the black duster he just had to don with everything, and why not. There was something about Brennan in black that made Jesse tingle from head to toe, and Brennan knew it.

Nor was he entirely oblivious to the fact that he *was* acting ridiculously. It wasn’t like him to be prudish but he was only human… er mutant. Brennan was at a transient stage of latent homosexuality where he’d just found peace with himself… not with rest of his world. Brennan knew Jesse was kinda disappointed, but tonight he wanted to fix that to some extent. Tonight, he wanted to show Jesse the time of his life. Struck a pose… stood with both hands folded into pistols pointed at his own reflection. They would go clubbing and drinking, then come back have wild sex right into Monday. And for dinner they could get takeouts. Jesse loved those little Chinese boxes.

He heard the trio leave from the neighboring suite singing their goodbyes to Jesse. Soon as they were gone, he slipped out of his suite and into where Jesse was. Checked his reflection in the silverware… then went looking for Jesse.
Jesse stood with his back to Brennan, on one leg… other one propped up, knee resting on Shalimar’s vanity dresser. His head bent, the blonde of his hair shone in flattering lights above… curled up at the base of a pale white neck exposed to Brennan’s hungry eyes.

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say…


Jesse wore the *birthday* present – light, steel blue… brushed silk shirt that clung to his lean, lithe torso… lazily tucked in snug black velvet trousers hanging deviously low on his narrow waist. Very subtle creped frills ran down in two neat lines on each side of his chest, on the edges of a deep V neck… and on the short sleeves encircling his slender but toned biceps. The whole effect was that of… perfect delicateness, elegance almost of a feminine kind… the best kind.
Brennan’s eyes traced his lover’s body from his waist to the subtle curves of his butt… down the skinny thighs, knobby knees and legs encased in black velvet… ending in shiny black Italian shoes.
Jesse was the ultimate anti-Brennan. And Brennan could do nothing but stare and sigh. He’d never seen Jesse, hell he’d never seen *anyone* look so exquisite his whole life.

Jesse was intently studying something in his hand, oblivious to Brennan admiring him from behind. Quietly he strode over and surprised Jesse by wrapping his arms around his waist… kissed the back of his neck that so insistently implored to him.

“mmm…”
“What’s that?”
Jesse held out the sleek gold-cased eyeliner up. Brennan lifted his head he’d been resting on Jesse’s shoulder and gazed into anxious sea eyes in the mirror. A moment of confusion before understanding donned. And Jesse smiled shyly.
“Its blue…”
Will go with the shirt. Brennan so loved that smile… bent and kissed him ever so softly on his lips, wrapping himself tighter around Jesse.
“Put it on.”
“Y-You wont mind?”
Brennan knew why Jesse thought he would but didn’t bother to defend himself. If Jesse wanted something, Brennan was determined not to let his own hesitation come in the way, not tonight. They kissed again, and again. Then again.
“I love it already.”
“You’re just saying that…”
Still wrapped around his lover from behind, Brennan began a trail of kisses from the side of Jesse’s forehead down to his neck and shoulder, hands stroking flanks sensually. Jesse closed his eyes and gripped at the pencil with both hands, head dropping back to rest on Brennan’s chest.

“You don’t really need it though…”
Jesse blushed.
“I just… you know…” laughed nervously.
“Do you know how to use it?”
Jesse couldn’t help but smile at the honestly naïve question. Nodded.
“Go ahead then.”
Jesse contemplated, then sighed and kept the pencil down. Brennan paused his ministrations and looked at him in the mirror.

“Nah. Some other time.”
“Are you sure?”
Jesse nodded, didn’t intend to put Brennan in an awkward position. They’d been passing off as friends out for a drink everytime they went out for six weeks now. Jesse shook his head and chuckled dismissively.
“That was easy, I thought you’d freak out on me or something.”
“No more freaking… I’m done freaking.”
And Brennan went back to nibbling Jesse’s ear. Jesse sighed, he was getting breathless rapidly.
“You’re… you’re something… Kilmartin.”
Jesse snickered, yeah that was supposed to be a compliment. And they kissed again. Brennan caressed his partner through the brushed silk, bothering the two nubs on his flat chest. Jesse gasped and closed his eyes.
“I think you’re still craving for a woman Mulwray.”
Brennan swung both ways, another reason for Jesse’s insecurities that he kept well-hidden.

Brennan dipped his head to blow into the hollow of Jesse’s soft neck and gently dug into his ribs making him squirm. He knew Jesse was referring to the gift he was making him wear tonight.
“Admit it, you love it as much as I do, if not more.”
“I just happen to be *gorgeous* enough to carry it off, doesn’t mean I’ll jump every time you feel like dressing… me up… up in… in…”
Bren paused the erotic stroking and instead digged him in the ribs again, harder this time and Jesse yelped.
“Ow no tickling!”
Course he loved it, but Brennan didn’t need to know that. Then again, Brennan already knew.

Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
waiting for that final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say…



***************************


Next chapter

JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

Mutant X: Blues (B/J) - 5: My next rejection



Previous chapter

~Washington, DC.~
***************************

She was gone. Again.
Adam and Shalimar were still not accustomed to Emma’s sudden lapses into silence and space-gazing. Shal gently touched her friend’s hand, tugged her back to the now from… wherever she was. Emma looked, understood the question in her eyes and turned her best smile on for her concerned companions.
“Em…”
Emma shook her head, smiled again.
“Nothing just… this city…” sighed deeply.
Adam had to ask. “What about it?”
Shrugged, eyes glazing over. “So many memories…”

Adam was worried. It happened to psyionics a lot. They allowed themselves to feel other’s pain and memories so deeply… there came a point when it all became a part of their own soul.
Emma went back to staring out the car window. Shalimar and Adam looked at each other and for some reason, found themselves hoping Jesse was okay.

There for all to see,
Self-contained lovers
Welded orally,
No run for cover…


They walked the streets… hand in hand. Brennan was not fidgeting anymore, and Jesse was so proud of him he could just grab him and kiss him until his knees gave out… except that would make him conscious again which would pretty much defy the whole purpose of the outing. Jesse refrained.

Brennan couldn’t take his eyes off Jesse. The silk shirt now hid under black leather jacket but he could still imagine how sexy it had been in his coarse hands… the feel of Jesse’s erect nipples underneath. Jesse privately re-lived the magical twenty minutes they’d spent wrecking all their careful dressing efforts that evening. How the velvet of his trousers had been slid down his hips leaving him bare to a very skilled set of hands that had never *ever* touched another man. That to Jesse was a surprisingly huge turn-on… that he was Brennan’s first. The one and only…

One hand had leisurely massaged his anus inside out, while another teased him in front, the touches deliberately light so Jesse was forced to push into one hand then the other alternately. The ritual ended when Jesse’s moans turned too loud for Brennan to swallow and he granted his lover sweet release.
Jesse took a few blissful moments to rest before he pounced to return the favour. Brennan felt himself engulfed in the heat of Jesse’s mouth and bit down his knuckles painfully to keep from bringing the hotel down. He experienced the pleasures of heaven as Jesse milked him dry, and the torment of hell when Jesse removed his lips from his core.
Sated, exhaustion threatened to ruin their plans for the night. But soon as he could move, Brennan dragged himself and then Jesse up to their feet.

These public displays of affection,
Surely your love must be new
I can't wait for my next rejection,
I'm always the first in the queue…


The couple left no doubt in the minds of all who crossed them that they were together… and looked *pretty* darn good together.

Friday night was in full throttle at Insomnia. Lights neon and low, music loud and stimulating… the place jammed with people high and careless. Life was fun tonight, Jesse mused.
They held and stroked… rocked against one another in rhythm to the infectious beats. Martinis washed down all grime of seriousness and responsibilities they bore during the day. This night was theirs and theirs alone…

Jesse clutched at Brennan, his head dropping to the shoulder for support.
“You still spinning me round?”
Brennan chuckled in his ear.
“Told you gin wasn’t your drink.”
He couldn’t keep his hands coursing all over the silk-clad torso making his partner even more light-headed than alcohol.
“Ugh…”
Brennan was high but not enough to not notice Jesse’s dizziness. He pulled him closer to himself and walked them to a private booth in a corner.
“Sorry Jess. C’mon here…”
He sprawled on the leather couch and pulled Jesse beside himself, holding him tightly. Jesse let himself be manhandled partly because his head was still spinning and partly because he loved being manhandled by Brennan anyway.

These public displays of affection
Surely your love must be new
Your natural overprotection
Leaves me with nothing to do…


“Mmmh…”
“Jess what’s the matter? What hurts?”
“I’m *moaning* not *groaning*.”
“Ohh… moaning is… good? Good then. Please continue.”
Jesse laughed into Brennan’s chest.
“Brennan… what’re we doing here again?”
Brennan smirked. “I was thinking the same thing… I’d much rather spend every single moment of this night in bed fucking your sweet little… oww!”
Jesse pinched him and pouted.
“I really need to educate you on the joys of talking dirty kid.”
“I really need to wash your mouth out with soap you street rat.”
Brennan snickered. “Pompous ass.”
“I thought it was sweet a minute ago.”
“Pompous and sweet…” Brennan tucked him tighter in. “… and all mine.”
Jesse shivered at the proclamation. “Lets go home…”
“Yeah, lets.”
They made to get up and Jesse lost his balance again. Brennan caught him and pulled him back on the couch.
“Oh hey big guy… no more drinks for you.”
“Urrmmm”
“Was that a groan or a moan?”
“Urrrmmmm!!”
“Oh not good. You wanna throw up, throw up okay? I’ll go get you some iced water.”
Jesse pouted making sure Brennan caught it clearly this time.
“Back in a flash babe.”
His lover gave him a crushing hug and left. Turned around and mouthed the word “stay”, then was lost to the crowd.

Jesse lay on his back, arm shielding his eyes from harsh fluctuating lights. With the other he held his middle, on the brink of getting sick… and practised talking dirty.
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”
Where the fuck was he? Looked at his chrome watch and counted every minute that went by. Two minutes, five minutes, ten.
That’s it. Jesse got up gingerly, his head protesting any movement whatsoever. He wasn’t what you’d call an accomplished drinker but this was plain unacceptable. The world swayed as he pulled himself up and the smoke and darkness didn’t help. Something in his insecure heart insisted he go find Brennan. What the *fuck* could he be doing, its just water. Feet reluctantly obeyed and he clambered through the crowd towards the bar.

These public displays of affection
Surely your love must be new
So conscious of my imperfections
I've never lost interest in you



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