~Capitol Hilton, DC.~
I'm tired of being what you want me to be,
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me,
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes…
Jesse had been perfectly happy teasing his boyfriend from a distance as he quietly surveyed the room. Eckhart came with agents alright, but so far he’d shown no intention besides trying to gain the state’s favour. And his agents seemed to be tame as well. No signs of trouble, hell no signs of *intent* of trouble. Just the way he wanted it… action is good, but not when innocent people’s lives might be at stake.
Brennan for all his street-wised arrogance and bravado was unusually shy about his very first gay relationship. One look at the younger man almost a year ago, Brennan had felt his heart turn like it never had before. He took his time coming to terms with the realisation that he was attracted to another man… to Jesse.
Jesse on the other hand had had enough time to know and understand himself ever since he hit puberty. His late mother’s long-distance encouragement perhaps would have been enough to help him become comfortable in his own skin, had it not been repeatedly razed by grandpa Spencer’s merciless rejections. Adam had walked into his life at a time when Jesse was convinced that his very being was unjustifiably *wrong*. He was a freak of nature as is. Could a gay freak be any much worse?
“You like him?”
Jesse had flushed bright red at Adam’s words. This was when Brennan was new to the Sanctuary and Jesse couldn’t for the life of him, stop staring at the beautiful man. A sheepish smile was all he could manage in exchange of Adam’s warm one and he’d shrugged.
“He’s not… you know… I don’t think he is…”
“But then sometimes, when he looks at me, I get this weird feeling that maybe… you know?”
Jesse’s mentor and guardian had had a surprisingly reassuring twinkle in his eyes, when he said, “I know.”
Jesse had waited patiently, for a year. And only six weeks ago when Brennan finally gave in to temptation, Jesse was there to catch him, hold him… assure him he wasn’t alone in his craziness.
As expected, the age-old dilemma of ‘to come out or not to come out’ caught up with Brennan. And he fought it.
“It isn’t their business… it’s my life… no one else needs to know… ”
He was edgy when Jesse told him he told Shalimar about them being together, but accepted the fact that Shal was like a sister to Jesse. He freaked when Jesse told him that Adam knew too, that he’d kinda *guessed* it. And of course Emma would know. How could she *not* know.
Hell he’d been upset… and they almost had their first argument as a couple. Jesse hadn’t expected the outburst and did his best to assure Brennan it really wasn’t a big deal. That Adam had always been supportive no matter what. That Emma had read it in Brennan’s thoughts the very moment he’d… *thought* it, when they had first met Jesse… surrounded by a horde of GS agents.
“And Shalimar doesn’t think much of you anyway.”
That was supposed to be a joke.
Brennan Mulwray did not need acceptance or admiration of others to thrive on. But he would not stand for their criticisms or judgements either. He *despised* being judged.
“I just need more time Jess…”
Jesse… ever-considerate, ever-understanding Jesse. He would give Brennan as much time as he needed. But that wouldn’t stop him from having as much fun at his expense as possible.
The seventh time Brennan turned to check on where his lover was, he found the emerald eyes staring back at him already gleaming with mischief. Without ceremony, pink tongue sneaked out, swiping slowly across lush upper lip and slipped back in. He *knew* what that gesture did to Brennan.
He snickered when Brennan narrowed his eyes at him swearing revenge, and turned away just for a second… but that was enough. A distant memory flickered, and before long he realized *who* he was looking at.
Every step that I take
is another mistake to you…
The word uttered more to himself, not really wanting to attract the guy’s attention. But it was too late to retract. The shoulders stiffened, the back of the head he’d recognize anywhere slowly shifted from view as the republican turned to look at Jesse.
How long had it been? Jesse did not know what to expect, seeing him here of all places. Especially since their last confrontation had ended in disaster. Jesse had moved on, never one to hang around where he wasn’t welcome. He’d felt angry and disappointed. But the child in Jesse still, at some level, continued to crave for the love he was denied. By this man.
Congressman Spencer gave him a cursory look, one of disdain and disgust like he was talking to some filthy homeless tramp instead of an immaculately presented grandchild by flesh and blood. And the voice that knew its virtue rose in derision.
“Relatives for a dime, gentlemen!”
Jesse blinked. Painful memories flooded home, initial shock of running into his grandfather having worn off. He was left feeling exactly the way he had four years ago. Small, unwanted, worthless… freak.
“I… I’m sorry.”
And that was all Jess could manage. He turned slowly to walk away, hazily wondering what he was doing there again… oh yeah, the mission…
“Do you know this man Spencer?”
“Don’t be ridiculous, of course not.”
The retort was too curt, too quick to be casual. Jesse rushed out, got away before journalists caught onto the scandalous family feud, away from the garishness… the scorn of years past and present ringing in his ears.
“My *real* grandson lives in Sweden… doesn’t come down here much anymore… politics bores him as far as I can tell…”
Brennan and Shalimar were too far to witness the short exchange. Adam was still engrossed in an engaging debate on ethics in genetic testing. Emma stood across the room and silently watched Jesse half thrash, half phase his way out of Capitol Hilton.
But I know
I may end up falling too,
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you...
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