JM: Young tilted head closeup

cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

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JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

Bigbang (J2 AU): Shipwrecked.. Part 3

Part Three
 
***************

“On your hands and knees.”

Jared swallows again. There’s a challenge in Ackles’ eyes that seems to say: defy me, fight me if you will. Except, Jared doesn’t think he wants to.

Mutely, he rises off the bed, turns and gets his knees under him, doggie style. Pushes his naked rump out towards the man, just the way Jared knows they all want it. Whore like him, performance anxiety’s never been a problem. It’s the way his stomach is clenched and his pulse is racing that worries him. He’s supposed to be detached. Clinical. A professional to the core…

He starts as he feels the older man lifting off the bed.

“Spread your legs.”

He obeys, closing his eyes feeling the blood in his veins rush down to his groin as well as up his face all at once. Ackles stands behind him, his eyes trained on his ass offered up for him, hell, anyone to take. Two fingers and a thumb land on his right ass cheek and he jumps. But the hand pulls him back in place.

“Shh… relax.”

Two hands now, caressing the dimples of his butt, fingering the cleft lightly, drawing a digit down into the crevice and back up again. Jared trembles, and Jensen shushes him. The rain falls harder, pelting directly overhead, an ambient trance-like soundtrack that’s inescapable, just like Jensen’s fingers now circling his opening. Over and over and over again.

“Ohh… Jensen… please…”

His sac is gripped from below, pulled back between his legs, tickled and stroked like a beloved pet. A finger probes him lightly, and Jared can’t help but push back into the subtle teasing. He needs to be touched, inside, outside, every fucking side, right fucking now. He whimpers, bumping his rapidly filling cock against Jensen’s hand imploringly.

“C’mon man…”

“Patience, all in good time, baby boy. All in good time.”

Suddenly the touches vanish, and Jared opens his eyes, cranes behind him to see Jensen walking away. He panics.

“Stay,” says Jensen, offhandedly.

What is he, his fucking dog? Jared grunts his protest, but holds the position, balances his weight on two hands and one knee, keeps the injured one as protected as possible. Closes his eyes and hears a drawer pulled open. The crinkling of plastic follows and then the drawer slides shut. Jensen walks back to him then, shrugging out of his jacket and dropping it on the floor beside Jared’s clothes, undoes his shirt buttons but lets the ends hang open by his sides.

A soft kiss is pressed into Jared’s left buttock, before the hands return to caress him again.

“You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”

So many times now he’s lost count. Jared mutely nods.

“So beautiful.”

Jared closes his eyes, lets the words flicker through his senses. Even though they mean absolutely nothing to him, Jensen’s voice makes them sound so strangely sincere. He smells lube, water-based, the expensive kind.

Two slick digits slide into him pretty smoothly. He relaxes his muscles with practiced ease until they wriggle their way in as deep as they can go. This is usually the point where Jared switches his screaming mind off and his body turns robotic and stays that way until the point the prick says goodbye or ‘Adios bitch’ or whatever. But here in this moment, with Jensen, he finds himself unable to think of anything else but the man who’s got two groomed fingers up his ass. Can’t help his hips rocking back and forth into the intrusion, especially after another hand, also slicked, comes around to form a loose fist around his shaft.

Jensen teases the purple head for a while until Jared starts to mewl and then a rhythmic cycle is set - Jared sliding forward into the fist and arching back into the fingering alternatingly. Jensen angles about until he finds the little bundle of nerves inside making Jared gasp. And he works it relentlessly until Jared completely loses his mind. And his will to resist.

For the first time in years, Jared begs because he really means it.

“Ahhh… Jensen… please…”

As if waiting for that very cue, Jensen climbs onto the bed behind him and the sound of a zipper pulled down rings like relief in Jared’s ears. He quickly rolls on a condom and slicks himself up. When he starts to push in, Jared clams up on reflex at first. Two hands softly stroke his sides, encouraging him to settle.

“Let me in, Jared. Let me in or I’ll die.”

Jared smiles and wills himself to slacken enough to let Jensen in a couple inches more. Jared gasps and Jensen shushes.

“You okay? You have to tell me, Jared.”

“Y-Yeah.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you, ever.”

Jared gulps back tears. For a second, just a second, he lets the words break him.

“Don’t worry. Keep going.”

It doesn’t make sense. Jensen is huge and it’s expectedly uncomfortable of course, but Jared is quivering like it’s his first time. His mind is a mess of conflicting thoughts and suddenly all he wants is this night to be over.

Except it’s not what Jensen wants.

He thrusts in with such vigor he would have sent Jared toppling to the bed if he weren’t holding the hips back himself. And when he pulls out, it’s slow and excruciating, only to drive back in with twice the force.

It’s fast, and rough and adamant. Jared bites his lips because he doesn’t want Jensen to know how affected he is. Doesn’t want him to know the times he successfully hits the sweet spot because damn it he’ll just do it again. And again and again, and Jared doesn’t wanna feel this way. Doesn’t wanna enjoy this, he can’t. It’s a job. Just a job. A highly lucrative job and he can’t…

Oh God!

The rain comes down harder, and somehow seems to be propelling his silent companion to fuck him harder. The thrusts are strong but getting erratic, Jensen must be close. Jared closes his eyes, prays for the man to be done soon. He can’t be feeling what he’s feeling. Not when he’s about to ruin this guy’s life.

Think of what twenty grand can do for you…

A hand closes around his weeping erection and starts to tug in tandem with the thrusts.

I don’t wanna hurt you, ever.

Bright stars explode behind his closed eyelids when he comes, his body overwhelmed with pleasure like he’s never felt before. Jensen gasps and erupts inside him, filling the condom with his release before collapsing on top of Jared and sending them both buckling to the bed. Jared pants, waits for Jensen to pull out.

“Jensen…”

“Give me a minute here, sweetheart. Think I broke mah back.”

Jared laughs, loving the sound of the grumpy Texan drawl as it lazily rolls off his senses and reminds him of simpler times, happier times. The weight of the other man is warm and comforting if only a bit crushing and hell, Jared thinks he could stay like this, just like this, forever.

What the fuck is he doing?

He needs to leave. Now. They must have enough video footage to work with by now. To hell with the extra five grand, he can’t. He just can’t be around Jensen anymore.

“Jense… ahh…”

The shooting pain in his knee makes itself evident, now that his faculties awaken in the aftermath of the (unbelievable) sex. It’s a sob, but it could easily pass off as just another breathless gasp. No one’s been able to tell the difference so far.

But Jensen does.

“What’s wrong?” His head comes up off Jared’s back.

“No-Nothing. Can you… I just… I need to…”

Leave. Now. If his legs cooperate.

Jensen pulls out of him then, careful with the condom as he gets rid of it in a waste paper basket nearby.

“Does it hurt? I told you if I was hurting you, you should…”

“It doesn’t hurt. I’m fine.”

Get off my back, literally.

“Turn over.”

“Why?”

Not again. Not now, please. I need to…

Jensen forcibly turns him around, pressing him into the bed until he’s on his back again. Another traitorous gasp escapes his lips as he stretches his left leg out. Jensen catches it and frowns, looks down at his knees, closer this time than before. One’s swollen and twisted at a slightly unnatural angle, riddled with scars from a life long gone.

“Don’t.”

Please, please don’t. Jared’s eyes are stone but his voice is quaking and he knows it. Jensen doesn’t listen, a hand closes around the protruding knob, palpating it ever so gently and Jared whimpers in what is unquestionably, pain.

“Damn it. You should have said something before.”

“Let me go…”

He can’t do this anymore. His head starts to hurt and he can already hear Alan’s screams beside him and the rain’s thick and thunderous outside just like that night four years ago and the car is skidding and then rolling over and over again and he can’t… he just can’t…

“Hey, Jared. Jared! It’s okay. Look at me, it’s okay!”

The deep, soothing voice wrenches him from his past, tugging him back into the now. Swelling and dipping like a tumultuous wave. But it’s softer now, like a whispering constant he unknowingly clings to, one he never wants to let go.

“Shh… it’s okay.”

Hands hold him down just in case, pressed into the monster bed and there’s nothing left to do except maybe breathe. But he’s not really breathing. He’s wheezing. Jensen tries to reassure him with a soft smile, his eyes full of that thing Jared still has no name for again.

“You know, funny story. After high school, I first went to USC. And I told you about Dr. Ferris right?”

As he talks, he slowly shifts away to sit in front of Jared’s left leg, lifting it with one hand supporting the back of his knee while the other hand cradles the ankle in his palm.

“That’s where I met her. She gave a guest lecture on the power of the published word on campus and, aw man, I was completely smitten.”

He holds the shin straight and horizontal in the air, studies the inflammation in Jared’s knee before carefully placing the foot back on the bed.

“What are you doing?”

“Telling you how I changed the very course of my life, man! See I loved her so much, I ditched my whole year at USC and went to UCLA next year to major in journalism, just so I’d be in her class…”

Jensen then curls both hands around Jared’s knee, placing his thumbs on the cap at the seat of the patellar tendon. And he starts to massage it, backwards and forwards, several times, pausing only at points that make Jared flinch in agony. His head is bowed in deep concentration but he’s still talking.

“Got her to be my academic advisor and everything. Does this hurt?”

Jared winces, “A little.”

“Stay right there, we need ice.”

He gets up and walks out to the living room. Jared is panting and confused. “What…”

Jensen doesn’t stop, so Jared just yells out after him in the next room. “What was your major before?”

Jensen yells back. “Physical therapy. Do you want a beer?”


***************
***************

“Come home, little brother. Please just come home with me.”

“…”

“Do you have any idea what you running away like this is doing to Mom and Dad? Dad’s worried sick. He is trying so hard but doesn’t know how to console Mom. No one does.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“Get over it? She spends all her waking moments in your room! Touching your trophies and photographs, fixing your cupboard again and again and again.”

“Please tell me you got rid of my gay porn collection?”

“This isn’t funny.”

“Well what do you want me to say? I told you before, Jeff, I’m not going back there.”

“What about all the people who love you? Who’re worried about you?”

“There’s nothing left for me to go back to, alright? Nothing! Just tell them they don’t need to worry. I’m fine. Tell them I’m like on a road trip. Yeah. I’m on a vacation.”

“A vacation. Alone. In Denver.”

“Why not? Tell them how the air is soft, the stars so fine, the promise of every cobbled alley so great that I thought I was in a dream.”

“Stop quoting people I don’t fucking know.”

“It’s Jack Kerouac, doofus. On the Road?”

“…”

“Suddenly we came down from the mountain and overlooked the great sea-plain of Denver; heat rose as from an oven. We began to sing songs. I am itching to get on to San Francisco.”

“Look, I know you just turned eighteen and it’s your life and you have the right to lead it however you want. But your knee still needs medical attention and…”

“Tell them I feel like a million dollars. I am adventuring in the crazy American night.”

“Damn it, Redster, how can you be so selfish?”

“Oh, now I’m being selfish? I’m doing this for you, man! So you can go to your fucking med school and Meg can go to her fucking Juilliard and Dad doesn’t have to take out a third mortgage on the house!”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“It’s the truth.”

“I know what you’re doing.”

“I’m taking responsibility for myself and if you can’t handle the fact that you’re still dependent on mom and dad for money while I’m not, it’s your problem dude, not mine.”

“Stop fucking lying to me, Jared Tristan!! You think running away from home like this, living away from your family and friends here in a fucking shelter is your penance for what happened. To Alan…”

“Shut up.”

“But we all know that accident wasn’t your fault, kiddo. I get it, Alan was your best friend. But you can’t punish yourself for something you didn’t even do…”

“I said shut up, just shut up!!”

“It was not your fault, Jared! You were not drunk. The kid in the other car was. Justin’s the one who jumped the light. Not you.”

“I should have seen him coming. I should have seen him coming, instead of fucking with the stupid radio.”

“Jared…”

“You say it wasn’t my fault. Then how do you explain everything that’s happened to me? I’m a cripple with no future, a liability to everyone. God is punishing me and you know it.”

“That doesn’t make sense! What do you think God’s punishing Alan and his family for, huh?”

“For trusting me.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Don’t come after me again.”

“No, listen to me… Jared!”

“Maybe I’ll come home in October. Everybody goes home in October.”

“…”

“Later. Big brother.”


***************
***************

I should leave. I really should leave.

Jared lies on his side, staring out the window at the sky as it pours its heart out. He remembers this little fable he once read, a long time ago. A tragic love story, of the sky who loves the earth and how she loves him back. And even though their love is strong and eternal, it’s in vain because never the twain can meet…

Jensen shifts behind him, his arm tightening its grip around Jared’s waist. He’s comfortable here, encircled by Jensen’s body warmth, feels safe. Like nothing can get to him anymore. Like he’s untouchable.

Looks up at the little black speck on the corner of the ceiling above. It’s been three hours. And they’re still watching.

A long, leisurely kiss pressed into the side of his face lets him know Jensen is awake. Jared was the first to come to but he’d also been the first to fall asleep, after Jensen spent twenty minutes patiently massaging his knee and iced all his pains away. The only place that throbs incessantly is his ass, but that one he likes.

He’s never liked it before. Not since he made out with Chad Murray behind the bleachers on junior prom night.

“You’re so tense.”

The voice whispers in his ear, and Jared shivers.

“Is this… uncomfortable?”

No. Yes. Extremely. He wants to leave, only, he doesn’t.

“I just… this is new.”

“What?”

Jared closes his eyes, and sighs. “No one’s held me like this before.”

There is silence for a whole minute, then Jensen is the one who exhales. Pulls Jared closer into himself, one arm stays under and one around his waist. Jensen must have slipped out of his clothes while Jared slept. Pleased, he presses back into the naked furnace-hot skin behind, and entangles his legs with bare legs just as warm.

Jared thinks he could stay like this forever, if he could.

Jensen is tanned where he is pale. Jensen is muscular where he is lean. Jensen is fire, he’s cold as ice. Jensen’s untainted and valuable, Jared is…

Earth and sky, sky and earth. Except, he’s more like a speck of dirt buried somewhere in the deepest, darkest bowels of the planet.

Leave. Get up now and leave.

“I’m going to fuck you again.”

Jensen’s voice is gentle as ever, but he isn’t asking this time. Jared shudders, starts to get back on his knees but Jensen isn’t letting go.

“Like this. Be easier.”

On your knee, but that part remains unspoken for which Jared is glad. Jensen pulls his arm away, reaches out behind him for lube and another condom. Jared’s butt is already glued to Jensen’s crotch, feels the hardening member nestled between his buttocks. He lifts one leg up, folding his bad knee towards his chest to make space for Jensen inside.

“Tell me if it hurts.”

“Okay.”

Slick fingers enter him again preparing him needlessly, not that Jared appears to have a say either way. Jensen kisses the side of his face, licking at the mole on the corner of his mouth until Jared cranes his neck and locks his lips on lips. It’s a piece of heaven on his tongue, the distinct taste of Jensen he’ll never forget. Long after this night is forgotten.

His prostate is teased repeatedly until he whimpers impatiently around Jensen’s tongue in his mouth. Jensen pulls away just long enough to replace his fingers with himself, then locks his lips over Jared’s mouth, mimicking with his tongue the same slow languorous thrusting as below. Jared undulates his hips squeezing and contracting around Jensen eagerly, making the older man the first to moan.

Jared smirks, thinks he could fall in love with that mouth pleading for mercy. Thinks he could fall in love period. It scares him, and he looks away with a wide-eyed start.

Jensen’s hand wanders down to the navel that he now knows is a freakishly sensitive erogenous zone for Jared. The hand eventually moves lower, teasing and stroking but conveniently ignores the blooming erection curling upwards, starving for friction. Jared tries to jerk himself off but Jensen pats his hand away.

“Put your hands on your chest.”

“Ackles…”

“Cross them, palms on your chest.”

Fuck! Why can’t he just tell the guy to fuck off?

Jared does as he’s told.

“Play with your nipples.”

“Oh God…”

His right hand’s fingers close around his left nub, and left hand’s fingers play with the right. It’s a torture so sweet, so agonizing, that once he starts he never wants to stop. Closes his eyes, lets his head fall back on Jensen’s shoulder. Forgets his worries and submits to his primal nature that hasn’t felt this uninhibited in years. Nothing but Jensen around him, inside him… nothing else matters.

“Harder… Jen… harder, ah!! AH!!”

Jared comes first again, gasping and grunting, fingernails digging into his own skin around the now red and tender nipples. Spent at last, his hips come to a full stop, refusing to meet Jensen’s thrusts anymore.

“Jare’… move, you selfish little…”

He chuckles without opening his eyes, “You’re on your own, pal.”

Jensen curses again but there’s no malice in his words. Playfully pinches Jared’s butt and brings a hand around to tease the still leaking head of Jared’s recently spent cock. Jared jerks away almost violently.

“Don’t!”

Whacks a hand on Jensen’s flank behind him when he hears the crackling laughter. Can’t help it that he’s so ridiculously sensitized right after an orgasm.

“Help me out here, Jare’…” And he grabs at him again.

“Okay! Okay! Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

Jared starts to move once again, milking the man inside him with everything he’s got, squeezing the very life out of him. In response, Jensen tightens his arms around Jared near frantically.

“Fuck! Holy… fuck!!”

He doesn’t last too long after that, spiraling faster until he finds his second release of the night, grunting his sated exhaustion loud enough for all of Mayflower to hear. Jared catches himself smirking, more than a little proud of himself for making Ackles react like a virgin newly debauched.

After a while Jensen licks at the pulse point in his neck, bites down with deliberate intent and Jared sighs. What’s the point in marking him for just a couple of hours? Come morning they’ll both go their own ways. Jared stills then, eyes running back to the camera. Not so long ago he’d been wishing this night would end. Now he prays may morning never come.

“I wish I could stay inside you forever.”

The voice is a soft rasp, guttural and breathy and sounding altogether too out of it for Jared to take seriously.

No, you don’t.

Empty words from a man who’d built a billion-dollar empire for himself on the very business of words. Surely said empire could brave a few storms of sex scandals and still get back on its feet. What’s the loss of a few millions to this man, anyway? This won’t ruin Jensen forever, will it?

Think of what twenty grand can do for you.

Eventually Jensen pulls out, leaving Jared feeling strangely empty and almost incomplete. He turns within the loosening bondage of Jensen’s arms so he can face the guy at last.

Jensen is… a vision. More so than ever before.

He’s flushed and dripping with sweat and his lips are swollen red ‘cause he’s bitten them through himself, like Jared. And his eyelashes are still impossibly long, casting shadows on his own cheeks in the dim luminescence of the lamps. His breathing is shallow, and rapid, and when Jared flattens his palm against his heart, he can feel it beating as loud as the thunder outside. Jared swallows. In this moment right here and now, the sky doesn’t seem so unattainable after all.

Jensen pants and grins widely. “You called me Jen.”

“You called me Jare’.”

No one’s called me that in years. Not since Alan…

He clears his throat. “You moan like a girl when you come.”

“And you moan like a porn star. You’ve been practicing, haven’t ya?”

“…”

“I’m kidding! Jesus, zero sense of humor.”

Jared pretends his heart didn’t just stop, punches him in the gut and Jensen lets out a mock “oof” and laughs.

“You call this offensive, lame underhanded brand of insults, humor?”

“Okay, now you better not turn into a girl on me, man.”

“Oh! And what sort of experience do you have with girls, Mr. Ackles?”

He’s just teasing, he’s not curious about the ex-wife, or any of Jensen’s past relationships for that matter. Not at all.

Jensen smirks, lifts his left hand until it’s right in Jared’s face. “See this?”

He holds up his ring finger, it’s empty, but one can still see the pale band of skin while the rest of his hand is a golden tan. It’s the kind of depression mark a recently taken off ring would leave.

Jared swallows, pretends to be shocked. “You were married?”

Jensen isn’t smirking anymore, nods subtly, spacing out as he stares at the mole on the side of Jared’s nose with great interest.

“What happened? She found out you were gay?”

He smiles then, almost sadly, gathers Jared closer to himself. “You think you’re so smart, kid, but no. She always knew I was bi. We’ve known each other since kindergarten, at least.”

That’s not the story creepy blond guy told Jared. Not that he believed it even for a second. “Then what?”

“I loved her, with all my heart. But she couldn’t get over this guy she dated back in high school and way, way before I came into the picture. For whatever reasons, they broke up. But then few years after marrying me, this guy sauntered back into our lives.”

“Wait… she cheated on you?”

Jensen chuckles, “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

And then he gets serious. “Believe it or not, I’ve always been a one-woman man. Or a one-man man, whichever. And yeah I was pissed, obviously. I was a mess when she left. But I knew how great she and this other guy used to be together before, and that no matter what I did, I couldn’t possibly take his place in her heart. Ever.”

Jared stares into that face, so serene and yet so poignant. His sadness tugs at Jared’s heart.

“I couldn’t possibly make her as happy as that schmuck makes her.”

Jared snorts before he can stop it. “I doubt that very much.”

Jensen looks back into his eyes. There. There’s that unnamed something again, it makes Jared want to bury himself in Jensen’s arms and never leave.

Jensen kisses him softly, sensually. Jared closes his eyes and gives in, letting the ecstasy of the moment overwhelm everything else. Suckles calmly on Jensen’s tongue in his mouth, while Jensen runs his fingers down his jaw, caressing the soft skin at the back of his ears. Jared moans and delves further into the kiss with passion, rubbing his cheek into Jensen’s five o’clock shadowed chin. Relishing the burn as it scrapes his baby smooth skin.

“You’re a piece of work, you know that?”

Jared grins. “One of a kind.”

Jensen smiles again, completely genuine and true. It opens up a bottomless pit in Jared’s stomach and Jared wishes he could implode into himself and disappear, forever.

He doesn’t deserve this truth.

“I’ll go grab a quick shower, can’t sleep without one,” Jensen says as he slips out of bed, unclasping his watch to leave it on the bedside table. As an afterthought he adds, “Care to join me, Padalecki?”

Jared is sorely tempted. Besides he’s covered in his own jizz, sticky and smelly and not disgusting yet but getting there fast.

“You go ahead. I’ll join you in a bit.”

“Okay.”

Jensen suddenly jumps back onto the bed and nuzzles into his belly button, making Jared gasp and laugh. But before he can find the breath to protest, Jensen’s off and on his way to the bathroom.

His smile immediately vanishes. It was supposed to be a job, damn it. Just a simple job.

Thunder rolls again, the sky’s still lit up somewhere in the bleak distance. Wonder what the earth did this time that the sky’s raging in so much pain. Jared swallows around the giant lump of misery lodged in his throat and closes his eyes for a minute, just for a minute.

It is raining cats and dogs outside and he can barely see beyond a couple of feet. Alan sits shotgun as always, and the guys in the back are singing some stupid girlie pop song at the top of their piss-drunk tone-deaf voices. The worse they sing, the louder they laugh.

You had me several years ago, when I was still quite naïve
Well, you said we made such a pretty pair, and that you would never leave
But you gave away the things you loved, and one of them was me …


He knows the exact moment it happens, just after Alan goes “… clouds in my coffee, clouds in my… Jare’ look out!”

He’s seen the truck hurtle towards him before, countless times now, sees it every day that he isn’t dead tired from sucking cocks all night. He keenly remembers the look of helpless horror on Justin Hartley’s face as the truck he’s driving rams into Alan’s Pontiac at seventy miles an hour. Except tonight, Jared sees his own face where Justin’s should have been.

Jared rams into his own self, killing his best friend in the process.

After turning over three and a half times, the overturned car finally skids to a halt against an oak tree. Bleeding and broken and barely conscious, he already knows Alan’s dead. Of course he does, it’s a nightmare that hasn’t evolved in four years. He turns to look at the lifeless form beside him anyway, because that’s his penance, he must see. That is the due he must pay for the rest of his life, because he survived.

Except this time, the dead one isn’t Alan. It’s Jensen.

Jared wakes up with a jolt and a soundless scream on his lips.

I don’t wanna hurt you, ever.

He walks in through the open door and another version of the sound of running water attacks his senses. The bathroom is massive, a fucking palace in itself. The lights are bright and a flattering yellow, and a big fat showerhead is stuck up there in the sky-high ceiling itself. Jensen stands with his back to the door, the remnants of his ivory soap washing down his magnificent body.

Jensen doesn’t even start when two hands land on the small of his back, skirting around to the front and to his rock-hard pectorals. Jared pushes in closer from behind, leaning all his weight against the older man. Rests his forehead on a shoulder and strives to breathe normally but fails. Pretty sure the sound of the hot torrent is louder than the crazed beating of his heart, Jensen won’t possibly know.

He’s wrong again.

Jensen turns and his smile vanishes. Tugs Jared closer to himself and under the water and his eyes ask a thousand questions.

“I’m… I…”

“What’s wrong?”

“Cam-Cam…”

“Breathe, Jared. Just breathe…”

Water blurs his vision until he can’t really see Jensen’s face and so he reaches out blindly, grabs the trusting man and pulling him into a desperate embrace. Buries his face in a shoulder as a last ditch attempt to muffle the words but they just keep getting louder, even as Jensen turns the shower off.

“Jared?”

“Ca-Cameras.”

Jensen stiffens under his hands, and it only makes Jared grip him harder.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry….”

Jared doesn’t have the guts to look into that face twisted in rage and disappointment at him. He doesn’t know what it might look like and he doesn’t wanna know. God he doesn’t wanna leave, he doesn’t wanna stay, he doesn’t wanna be the cause of pain or worry to Jensen. Not to this man who’s shown him more kindness and affection than he’s known ever since he ran away from home. Not to this man who treated him with such care and dignity when he clearly deserved none.

Not to this man that he thinks he could love, that he knows he could love.

“Jared…”

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please, I’m sorry.

Feels two hands clawing at him, struggling to pry him away. For a split-second he wonders if Jensen might maybe turn violent, and if Jared would really blame him if he did.

“Hey, hey, look at me.”

He lets go at last, lowers his face in shame. Snot threatens to run down his nose but his arms are held captive in Jensen’s strong grips and still he can’t look up.

“I know.”

The words burn into him, slowly. Surely Jensen didn’t mean…? He looks up then. “What did you say?”

The face is blank. Not happy, not sad, not angry. Nothing.

Blank. Eerily so.

“I know. I’ve known all week.”


***************
***************

“Danni… please stop pacing, you’re giving me a headache.”

“How can you be like that? Jensen, didn’t you hear what I just said? I’m a stupid fucking bitch who can’t keep her big fucking mouth shut when she’s drunk!! Why aren’t you fucking mad?”

“Because… I don’t know! So you shouldn’t have had so much to drink and especially with Sterling not in town…”

“It was a girl’s night out…”

“Oh, so now you’re making excuses?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“Jeez, come here. I’m sorry sweetheart. You were drunk and the guy basically took advantage of you. I’m just glad nothing else happened. It could have been so much worse.”

“You’re really not mad?”

“Sure I’m mad, but not at you. It’s that sonofabitch, Jeff Morgan. Can’t believe the lengths he’s going to, just ‘cause he’s too much of a wimp to face Achilles in the professional ring.”

“You and Tom really pissed him off taking that Yahoo deal away from him, I guess.”

“Yeah. But it’s more than that. He just hates our guts or something. So, okay, tell me if I got this right. He was partying Friday night at the Manor, same as you?”

“Yeah.”

“And he came over to say hi, and you guys got to talking and you fell for all his charming bullshit.”

“Well… he can be quite charming when he wants to.”

“Sure, whatever. And you end up talking about your ex-husband?!?”

“Uh, I don’t remember much but I think he was the one who kept coming back to you. And I guess I just forgot who he was at some point and blurted out that you were bi. And, um, I might have also mentioned that…”

“That?”

“That you have a thing for the wounded slash vulnerable smarty pants types?!?”

“I do not!”

“Hello, Exhibit A?”

“You think you’re smart?”

“…”

“OW!! Relax, woman! I’m just kidding. What happened next?”

“Can’t remember. I must have passed out or something and Tracie took me back home. The next morning when I woke up, I remembered what I’d done. So I tried calling him up, only he went away and was unavailable all weekend and Jensen you’ve no idea how miserable I’ve been these past three days. And so when this morning I heard that he was back…”

“You gunned it all the way to his office, hoping what? That you could just sweet-talk him into keeping my big secret?”

“Um, yeah? Except, when I got to his office and was standing right outside his door, I overheard this conversation he was having with that mousy little PA of his. What’s his name? Masters?”

“Marsters. With an ‘r’.”

“Yeah him. He said he found an insider at the Mayflower who’s gonna let the tech team in and also let them know what suite you’re staying at. And they were looking at a book of maybe… pictures? And Jeff said something like - look at those big goofy eyes. Ackles won’t be able to resist him.”

“Really? Did you get a look at the guy? Was he hot?”

“Jensen!”

“Kidding! What else?”

“Marsters has apparently given this man a whole dossier of stuff to read up on you. And he’s going to pretend to be a Carnegie Mellon political science major when he meets you in Washington next week and…”

“Did you catch a name?”

“Well, it’s highly unlikely he’d use his real name to seduce you.”

“I know. But until next week, I might as well get some recon done of my own on their prostitute pawn of choice.”

“Ooh, good idea. It was a weird last name. I’ve never heard anything like it. Jared something. Jared… Paddy…”

“Paddy bear?”

“Paddy or Pada… somethin’…”

“Danneel, this is important.”

“Give me a minute, dude. You crank up that Google thingie of yours, I’ll just get back to you with it. Pada… Palicki?”

“Are you sure you heard it ri…”

“Shush!”


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Part Four >>

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