JM: Young tilted head closeup

cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

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JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

SPN fic: Bittersweet at best

Title: Bittersweet at best
Summary: Gen. Sequel to “Essence of Kinnikinnick”. It’s a long road to recovery for Sam and Dean.
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Language
Word Count: 1239
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Not for profit.
Author’s Notes: Thanks shadow_of_doubt for the adorable and appropriate icon :) Last in the Senses!verse. Previous installments here:
1. Line of Sight --> 2. Touched by Darkness --> 3. Sounds in Silence --> 4. Essence of Kinnikinnick

***
 
“I told you game’s in timeout Sammy. C’mon. Finish your dinner.”

Dean pulls his brother back against his chest for the fourth time. The bed creaks under the weight of the two men and Sam groans in protest.

Lets go of the plastic white knight in his hand and it drops to the magnetic chessboard at its intended position. Sighs and leans against his brother sitting just behind him, his head coming to rest on Dean’s left shoulder again. Much to his chagrin, Dean has taken to feeding him personally ever since Sam took to rejecting the bad hospital food.

“This stuff is disgusting Dean,” he pouts, just in time before Dean plugs his mouth with another spoonful of soup.

“Hang in there kiddo. Two more weeks and then we blow this joint. Think you’ll be ready for a nice big juicy Black Angus cheeseburger by that time?”

Dean smacks his lips teasingly making Sam scowl, “That’s cruel man. You won’t believe how much I hate you right now.”

Dean scowls back, “Yeah well, I can’t believe how much I wanted you to start talking again,” and gently spoons in more cream of tomato into Sam’s mouth.

Bobby walks in then, nodding at the boys with an extra smile for Sam. “How’re you doing, Sammy?”

Sam smiles back and would have said something, except he feels his brother stiffen behind him. Bobby’s eyes flicker away to meet Dean’s and his smile fades away.

Dean clears his throat, suddenly in a hurry to get it over with. Of course. “Okay, three more to go. Open up.”

Sam briefly considers throwing a fit or two but when did that ever work for him anyway? Instead he glares up at Bobby, the accusation crystal clear in his eyes. The old man sighs and looks away.

“Sammy c’mon, we’re nearly done.”

It’s been over two weeks since Sam woke up, but his voice is still a rasp, soft and frail and right now, uncannily bitter. “So how long this time?”

Dean’s chest heaves once against his back and Sam is grimacing already. They don’t even bother to make any justifiable excuses – no “Tamara’s life is in danger” or “Henricksen needs our help.” Not even a sarcastic “Fate of the world hangs in the balance.”

“Two days, at most. Open up.”

Sam obviously doesn’t. The impasse is broken when Bobby raises an eyebrow signaling to Dean they were getting late and the older brother gives up. Pushes the food-tray aside and shrugging into his jacket, starts searching for his keys.

Bobby makes his escape first, “I’ll go wait in the car.”

Dean winces, cursing Bobby now that he’s left alone to face his brother’s wrath. Turns toward Sam slowly, only to find him staring out the window again. He hates it when Sam does that. Dean never wants to see that deathlike blankness in his little brother’s eyes again.

“Look, Sam…” he tries. “Bela is paying real good money for this procurement.”

Sam scoffs, “Procurement? Listen to yourself Dean. You sound like her already.”

“We have bills to pay, okay? And especially with your physiotherapy…”

“Don’t do me any favors Dean. I’ll find a way to pay my own bills thank you very much!”

Silence. Sam purses his lips and looks away but he knows the damage is done and this time it’s possibly irreparable. His heart starts to race with sheer panic of how Dean is about to react. Yelling he can handle.

Please don’t walk away. I’m sorry I said that. Please don’t go.

The bed dips, taking Sam by surprise and he looks up. Dean sits by his side, looking into Sam’s face with nothing but resignation in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

Sam can’t believe his ears. “You’re sorry? Why?”

Dean shrugs, “I shouldn’t have made it sound like I’m doing this for you. Because I’m not.”

You're all I have left, Sammy.

Sam swallows, too ashamed to meet his eyes anymore. His big brother raises a hand slowly so as not to spook Sam with any sudden movements, brings it up to cup the left side of Sam’s face. The touch lasts for maybe two seconds, three at most.

Then without another word, Dean is gone.

**

Sam glares at the clock through slanted eyes, Dean had better get his ass back within the hour like he promised. He lets Andrea adjust the pillows preparing him for the night, face turned away so she can’t see the tear sliding down his face.

Sure they’re born and bred hunters, it’s in their blood. Hunting is all Dean’s ever known. But it stings like hell to see him transition back into it so easily… like the last year changed nothing. Like they’d just been on a fucking break.

Sam catches himself looking up and quickly looks away. Still hurts… the grotesque visions of everyone he’s ever loved pinned to the ceiling, burning to their deaths while Sam lived on, alone…

He finds himself wishing he’d never woken up at all. Maybe then he could keep Dean safe from… from what? Dean himself?

“You know, he started going away long before you woke up.”

Sam starts, at first because he didn’t realize Andrea was still in the room, then worried that he’s been voicing his morbid thoughts aloud all this time.

“What did you say?”

She calibrates the pulse monitor and speaks softly without actually looking at him. “I suppose there are some things he simply must do. Things he was meant to do. We all have our destinies to fulfill after all.”

Andrea picks up a bottle of throat-soother syrup from the side table before approaching Sam’s bed. He briefly considers refusing it before reminding himself that Dean isn’t around, which kind of defeats the purpose of a tantrum anyway. Instead he rolls his eyes and sighs.

“Are you saying my brother’s job is more important than… this?”

“Are you saying it’s not?”

Fire alarms go off in his head and Sam can’t muster up enough composure to so much as blink. “Do you know what Dean’s job is?”

She smiles, pours out a dose of the medicine and holds it at Sam’s lips. Wincing in anticipation of the bittersweet torture about to hit his taste buds, he opens his mouth then quickly swallows and waits for her to respond. But she just turns away.

“Andrea, wait…”

The nurse has always been so quiet, almost invisible even though she’s taken care of Sam for months. She’s the only one Dean trusts completely. Maybe his brother’s been blurting more secrets about the Winchesters to her than Sam realized.

Calmly she puts the supplies back in their place and returns to tuck the blankets in around Sam.

“Please don’t doubt your brother Mr. Carpenter – he’s on the right path, always has been. And don’t worry about his safety either. He’s going to be just fine.”

Sam’s voice is breathless, not more than a whisper. “How do you know that, Andrea?”

“There is someone out there watching over him, just like I am here. Watching over you.”

Sam swallows, hard.

“It’s the least we can do.”

She smiles again, subtle as always, almost as if it were her default expression and now that Sam thinks about it he’s never really looked at her this close before. Never noticed how her eyes sparkle bright as gold even in the dull glimmer of his nightlights.

“Good night, Sam.”

She turns to walk out of the room. That’s when he sees the other thing he’s never noticed about nurse Andrea Michael before. The vision is shaky and ethereal… there one instant and gone the next but reveals to Sam what he needs to see. A giant pair of dark emerald green wings spread open on either side of Andrea’s proud shoulders… unfurling to their full majestic span, vanishing into thin air just before she reaches behind her and closes the door.

Sam lies curled up on his side, still shuddering when soft light spills in through the open doorway and Dean quietly slips into his room. In the flickering shadows Dean sees his brother’s face wet with tears.

“Sammy? What’s wrong?” He rushes in, taking up his usual place by Sam’s side. “Hey… it’s okay. I’m here now. I’m alright, see? Shhh… it’s okay. Everything’s okay…”

It’s only when he switches on a lamp that Dean notices the strangest expression on his brother’s face. Something indescribable, something he’s never seen before and yet somehow feels familiar, like a long lost memory. Something that, to Dean looks like redemption… and peace.

“I know, Dean.” Sam smiles, burying and wiping his face in Dean’s shirt because apparently, that is now allowed.

“Everything’s going to be okay.”


*** THE END ***

A/N: Pls let me know what you think?

Ooo... a twist. I wasn't expecting that about Andrea (I suppose that's why they're called twists)! Just perfect ending - a well wrapped story. Sam's such an emotional wreck and Dean's so focused. Just curious - why emerald green for the wings?

:D Thanks for reading and reviewing sweetie. Your words mean the world to me!
Why emerald green for the wings? - Archangel Michael is supposed to have emerald green wings :) I didn't wanna imply that Andrea is Michael himself but.. one - its a subtle shout-out to one of my favorite episodes "houses of the holy" ;) And two - it implies that the Winchesters now have the blessing and protection of one the highest powers in God's world. You know after all they've done.. "its the least we can do."
Hope it makes sense? Somewhat? :)

Thank you :) Glad you liked it hon.


Oh, BOYS. *hugs them*

Good title. Very apropos. I like this addition, including the angel. Be a shame if they didn't have angels, given all the evil they've fought!

Thanks for posting this.

:) Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm really glad you liked this. I don't think the Winchesters could ever stop hunting - no matter what. So I guess this is how I wanted to make it better for myself heh. High time the boys had someone watching their backs, for a change :) cheers hon.

A beautiful and gorgeously written story that made me feel very, very good! Thank you! Love, Robin

:) Thanks so very much Robin! I'm really happy that you enjoyed it *hugs*

I just noticed the manip of your icon. Wonderful and so appropriate.

I love a twist at the end. The revelation of Andrea's wings - green for healing - is delightful. Nice reflecting back to "Houses of the Holy" where Dean remarks that their mother always said that angels were watching over them.

I like the way you kept all the mysteries to the end. You've done a terrific job and I hope to see other things from you in the future.

Thanks hon. The icon was made by shadow_of_doubt and I snagged it 'cause it's just perfect for this verse heh :)

I'm also really glad you could relate this back to the episode "houses of the holy" because that's exactly what was running through my mind when I wrote this! It's one of my favorite episodes.

Thank you for the kind feedback hon, really glad you enjoyed this series :)

OH! She's a Guardian Angel! I love it!

And I love the peace she brought to Sam about his brother.

BRAVO!!

:D Thanks for reading and reviewing! This is probably the happiest ending I could think of for the boys because the fact is.. they will never ever stop hunting right. What do you think?
Thanks again sweetie, your feedbacks make me so deliriously happy *hugs* :)

Oooh!!! Sweetie, I loved it so much. It was just gorgeous and such a wonderful little package and all tied up with a pretty bow! (I have to admit, I was expecting something else for taste, but I think it worked even better without my perviness infiltrating it-it was just beautiful.)

Thanks so much for this!

I love the new header, too!

Cam!! Thank you for reading hon :) I wanted to wrap it up on a happy note.. put an end to all the angst already you know?

I have to admit, I was expecting something else for taste
*is curious* What did you have in mind? Do tell :)

And yeah the new header was in honor of.. ahem.. Dean's birthday :D Can't help it, I love the guy too much ;) Thank you so much sweetie. *hugs*

Poor boys, still struggling with things. *hugs them*

Nicely done.

Favorite lines:

Sure they’re born and bred hunters, it’s in their blood. Hunting is all Dean’s ever known. But it stings like hell to see him transition back into it so easily… like the last year changed nothing. Like they’d just been on a fucking break.

Oh, Sam.

“I know, Dean.” Sam smiles, burying and wiping his face in Dean’s shirt because apparently, that is now allowed.

“Everything’s going to be okay.”


It’s good to see Sam find some peace.

:) Thank you so much for reading hon. Yeah Sam finds some peace at last because one - he's just been told his faith is real. That God does exist. And two because he doesn't need to worry about being the sole Winchester left alive anymore, and the angels will protect his big brother forever.
I'm really glad you liked it hon. cheers :)

(Deleted comment)
Thanks so much sweetheart :) I'm glad you liked this part. How're you doing?

I totally think of you right now because there are Jared at 16-17 in GG season 1 at tv and he's just so.... yeah totally think of you

:D Oh wow.. baby Jared is seriously cute!! He's total jailbait hon.. breathtakingly beautiful and cuddle-worthy :D

Oooooooh! Taste!

Much to his chagrin, Dean has taken to feeding him personally ever since Sam took to rejecting the bad hospital food.
He's gonna make damn sure Sam gets his strength back up!

Sam briefly considers throwing a fit or two but when did that ever work for him anyway?
Hee!

Bobby makes his escape first, “I’ll go wait in the car.”
No one can ever call Bobby a dummy!

Andrea Michaels? As in Archangel Michael, maybe?
I love that they are being watched over, but more than that I love that Andrea chose to tell Sam to ease his mind both about Dean's safety and his purpose.

A giant pair of dark emerald green wings spread open on either side of Andrea’s proud shoulders… unfurling to their full majestic span, vanishing into thin air just before she reaches behind her and closes the door.
Gorgeous imagery!

“I know, Dean.” Sam smiles, burying and wiping his face in Dean’s shirt because apparently, that is now allowed.
*loves*

This has to be my most favorite 'verse ever!

Thank you,
Alley

:D I love your feedbacks! You tell me exactly what you liked, and what worked for you which helps a LOT :) Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words hon :)

This has to be my most favorite 'verse ever!
Really?? Awww... you're a sweetheart!!! Thanks hon :) *hugs*

Lovely end to one of my favourites stories. I found it both original and well written from start to end.

Will there be more in this verse? The new found connection between them is interesting, nothing can ever really be secret between them any more, can it?



Thank you so much for the kind words hon :) Am really really happy you liked it!
More in this verse? *sighs*.. pls don't tempt me :D I am just so relieved I managed to finish a WIP of mine haha.. ;)
I guess the connection was not intended to last once Sam actually woke up. But the ordeal has brought them so close they probably don't even need it now. Dean is not afraid to show his affections anymore and Sam is at peace at last, and back to his old talker self.. they should be fine now yeah? :) cheers hon.

I loved every single moment of this story, as heartbreaking as it was at times. I'm glad you managed to fix them. What a perfect ending to an absolutely perfect story.


:) Thank you so much for reading sweetie. Yeah I just wanted to write something that ends on a happy note for a change hehe. I'm so happy you like it. cheers hon :)

I adore the image of Dean feeding Sam *meltsmeltsmelts*

Love Andrea, and I can't help picturing Andrea from 'Dead in the Water'.

Lovely fic, Rachel :)

:) Ahh I see you do love the idea of Dean taking care of Sam as much as I do :D Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing sweetheart. Now that I think about it.. Freddie (from Angel) sure could make a great guardian angel! :) She can be invisible when she wants to, and so assertive when the occasion calls for it.. I love her :D
cheers sweetie, thank you so much! *hugs* :)

Oh, angels watching over them, I love that^^

Heh, thanks so much hon.. figured it was about time! ;)

Ooh, I like it! The angel was nice....good stuff from you as always! Remember I said I had never watched the show before, then I read your fic, and then I was tempted to watch? Ha, well I did and now I am hooked! I love those boys!! : )

Ahh at last!! Welcome to the madness darling *hugs* ;) I'm so bloody proud of myself right now :D This really is an amazing show and I don't get why the network just won't spend enough to promote it. Every time I go to Times Square.. it just bugs me to see these giant signs and billboards of all other shows but I've never seen SPN up there *pouts*
Anyhoo.. I'm really glad you liked the fic sweetie :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing and yayy for the new SPN Love :D:D

I've loved every syllable of this 'verse, and I've hoped with bated breath for each step of recovery. I'm weepy with relief, and so very happy about the reveal at the end. Which you managed beautifully, scaring me to death that Andrea's eyes were going to flash yellow. Dark emerald wings are SO much better. And it's really really wonderful to have a happy ending at least once in a while.

Thank you.

Thanks so very much for reading hon :) I'm really glad you liked this fic. I was afraid it wouldn't be evident that the emerald green wings are in reference to the archangel Michael.

And it's really really wonderful to have a happy ending at least once in a while.
OMG tell me about it :) This is the happiest i have ever written lol! Thanks again for your awesome feedback hon, you've made my day :D

Aw, what a great ending. Although I am sad that this is over now :(

Any chance for an epilogue? Or more exploration in this 'verse?

I like where you went with Andrea, and how Sam got to see the truth behind her. She was a nice addition to the story. This was well done!

Thanks for reading and reviewing sweetie :) I'm just glad I managed to finish a WIP heh ;P Epilogue? OH wow.. *sighs* I'll have to think about it I guess. The story I wanted to tell ended with Andrea's revelation. I'm really glad you liked her btw :) I know the fangirls don't always appreciate OFCs. cheers hon.

Angels, healing, hope...what more do you need?

“I know, Dean.” Sam smiles, burying and wiping his face in Dean’s shirt because apparently, that is now allowed."

Loved this sentence! At least all the horrors let them be closer. Really enjoyed the story from start to finish.

:) Thank you so much for reading and your lovely feedback!

At least all the horrors let them be closer.
That's right. Dean is not afraid to show his affections/emotions anymore. And Sam doesn't have to hold back either. Also with the divine protection they now have, things should be okay moving forward. This is the happiest ending you'd ever get from me hehe.

cheers hon.

This is so sweet. I love that she's an angel.

Thank you for reading hon :) Glad you liked it. I figured it was high time Sam had a real NOT-fallen angel protecting him, after everything he's been through. cheers hon.

“I know, Dean.” Sam smiles, burying and wiping his face in Dean’s shirt because apparently, that is now allowed.

I can't describe how I really love the sentence. It shows that Sam is truly little brother and Dean is just be there for him.

I love this story and the first 4! Very much. Thank you very much for writing such wonderful stories.

:) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing hon!
And the part you quoted.. that's exactly what I wanted to convey - that Sam is finally free now to be the little brother he's always been. No more burdens of demonic ascension or Dean going to hell.. he can just let Dean take care of him once again :)

I'm very glad you liked this series hon :) cheers!

This verse was absolutly beautiful, perfect ending, I thought Andrea had a gift or something, I never expected her to be an Angel. atsugari8 sent me over here and I am making my way through your fics. You are an amazing writer with a wonderful way with words. Thank you for this beautiful story. Do you think maybe you will continue it at all? =)

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I guess should thank atsugari8 too - she's a sweetheart :)
Yep figured since the boys have had so many brushes with demons, its time they got to see the other side and ran into a couple of angels as well hehe.
Continue this verse? Umm *thinks*.. if inspiration strikes then maybe? But as of now i don't have a plot for what happens next hon. I planned to leave it open-ended really.
Thanks again for the beautiful compliments :) You've made my day!! :)

Thank you!! :) Glad you liked it hon.

Ooh, yes I loved the ending. Not that I wouldn't have loved more sequels, but well... I don't want to appear greedy or anything... nosir, not me...
The angel was unexpected, I really liked that twist. With all the crap they have to put up with they deserve somebody looking out for them. :)
*happy sigh*

Thank you so much for reviewing again sweetie. You really know how to make a girl smile don't you? :)
And you're right.. all their lives they've only ever seen proof that hell exists. I wanted to write in a supernatural character that wasn't evil and out to kill them for a change heh. cheers hon :)

lovely characterisation of dean in this series, you painted such a tender picture of dean taking care of sam (just like he always has!) and lovely touch at the end with Andrea being an angel!
btw completely off topic (more a present for giving us such a brilliant fics :) but if you like arch angels and sci-fi like supernatural then i would definitely recomend you watch the movie 'Gabriel' http://www.gabrielmovie.com/

Thanks once again hon :) I believe Dean has a very strong and wonderful protective/paternal side and I wanted to explore that with this series.
And thanks for the rec! I haven't seen this one..

(Deleted comment)
And for the last time *sighs* thanks sweetheart. I'm really glad you read and reviewed this series. I wanted to add a little divine intervention in the end because the boys need it heh.
*hugs* Love ya darling, you've made me so happy! :)

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