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cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

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JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

X-men fic: In the Beginning (AU): Chapter 1

Title: In the beginning
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Marvel. Nothing’s mine except the convoluted plot. Desperate need to vent drove me to writing this, no money involved.
Warnings: Language and slash
Rating: R to NC-17 in places.
Verse: X1 AU.
Pairing: Logan/Scott later, implied Warren/Ororo, implied Scott/Jean
Summary: It began with a love story… how Logan comes to join the X-Men.
Author Notes: Warren was part of the original X-men, then quit to do his own thing. Scott is in his early twenties; Jean is about 8 years older. The places mentioned in Canada are part real and part fictitious. (This is one of those epics I started a long time ago and never finished. Hopefully some feedback would help jump start my muses on this one. In any case, feel like putting it out there. Hope you enjoy.)


*** Scott ***

Westchester, New York

***

The Professor knew I was leaving. Jean didn’t. Won’t take her long to figure it out though, and I sure as hell don’t want to be around when that happened. I’m probably being a huge selfish, insensitive bastard, doing this to her so soon after… um. Yeah. So what if the relationship is over? Our friendship runs far too deep and much too strong to ever be remotely over. I think.

Anyway, where was I? Yeah, leaving.

My mutation’s gone. Possibly… no, probably, for good.

A month and two days now… our last run-in with the Right got me four bullet holes, three broken ribs, one punctured lung, one hairline fracture to my thick skull and eleven days in a coma. Jean had another extremely close call and nearly died, I hate it when she does that. Was back on her feet in three days though and together with Hank kept me down in the sick bay another week after I woke up. During that time, we all assumed my powers had just been temporarily drained out for lack of sun and such.

And how I loved it.

It felt amazing… in the beginning. A beautiful, painful experience of *actual* eyesight… wide, unrestricted technicolor vision. Seeing my friends was like seeing them for the first time. I went all over the school facilities I helped build but never truly *saw*… capturing all the vividness as memories I hoped to cherish long after I was back in the visor. And Jean… my lovely Jean… in so much more than red and crimson and shades thereof.

I wished I could just fall right back in love with her. Things could then be so simple… just as planned. Unfortunately by that time we both knew it wasn’t meant to be, and we harbored no more unrealistic fantasies.

Anyway. Where was I? Colors, yeah.

With the colors though came this acute sense of… vulnerability. Like a crucial guard knocked down. When you know nobody can see your eyes, you don’t realize how damn expressive they can be. I started avoiding everyone as far as possible… and everyone avoided me. They didn’t know how to deal with this… new me. Hell *I* didn’t know how to deal with this new me.

Everyone thought my power would recharge as it normally does with a little basking in the sun. It didn’t. Eyesight became a guilty pleasure… and I realized with absolute horror that – I’d been rendered useless. And see that’s just my problem. I don’t handle being a liability too well.

Charles appointed Storm as commander in my stead, with my approval of course. He still believes it to be a temporary arrangement. She’s very good, and I’m not just saying that. She’s calmer, and wiser, and stronger… kick ass powers and everything. The team respects her, looks up to her. Probably more than they ever did a so much younger, semi-blind former streetwalker.

Okay so not everyone knows I used to be a whore in a prior life, except Prof, and I never did hide anything from Jean. And… Hank subjected me to a thousand medicals when I first came to the mansion so I guess he must know. And then there is Warren… arrogant elitist bastard can smell white trash from a mile away. And since he’s such a *huge* fan of mine I bet he’s been generously providing me excellent publicity through the mansion and beyond. Any damn one left?

Okay so I wasn’t this pessimistic (or realistic maybe?) back when my powers were intact and yeah I understand I could very well be overreacting given my situation. I’d like to think the times that they did manage to look past my age and sordid history, they must agree that I was able, competent, and efficient… a damn good leader. At least, I hope they did.

“You’ve come a long way Scott.”

That’s what he always says, the Professor. But looks like this may be the end of the road for me. My blasts are gone and the rest of me is weak and perpetually exhausted because of it. Hank looked mystified and it didn’t help my confidence at all.

“Scott I can’t be sure…”

Great.

“But it seems you’ve been feeding off your mutant reserves of energy not just to power your optic blasts but also as the primary source of energy for your body.”

It’s true. I’d never needed food so much, back on the streets I was hungry all the time sure, but I could still keep going long after my buddies fell to sickness and often death.

“But the severe trauma you’ve suffered has somehow thrown this… remarkably unique mechanism out of commission.”

Just… great.

“Maybe after some time when your body gets used to the… absence of mutation it will start synthesizing food and generating energy for you the… uh… normal way.”

Damn I missed my glasses so much. It was so much easier to hide behind my glasses.

“I don’t want to get used to it Henry.”

He didn’t respond to that.

Fact’s a fact… I was a handicapped mutant, but I was mutant. I was useful and I was worthy, but not anymore. Someone up there has a truly warped sense of humor - flinging a virtual control freak like me to the deep end where I have no control whatsoever… oh yeah. Real funny.

When the Professor brought me to the mansion, for the first time I felt like I was part of something important… something that mattered. Here in Xavier’s home we’re like one family, with a common bond… of degenerate DNA if you will, keeping us together.

But you should see the way they look at me now… the X-Men, the kids… they just can’t get over the sight of my naked eyes. Makes *me* feel naked dammit, the way they stare… and then they get embarrassed and quickly look away, only to do it again. They can’t help but feel this strange mix of envy and pity towards me. Envy because some times, each of our mutations feels like a curse… pity because all other times, it’s undeniably the best gift we ever got. And don’t I know it.

Anyway.

Petty personal grievances aside, we got a bigger problem at hand. The X-Men need an upgrade… Big time… Right now. With me down and out, we’re one senior and critical member short and this void ideally cannot be filled by a student recruit.
Warren’s come back to help but only because it involves the Right. The group’s evil mastermind Cameron Hodge and he go a long ways back. Apparently they were friends and business partners or something but Hodge secretly hated him, can’t say I blame him.

All right, not just Warren… he hates all mutants in general. For years he’d been diverting funds from Worthington Enterprises and founded this Right group with the sole purpose to intensify prejudice against mutants. Warren got to know only recently when Hodge caused the Frisco earthquake (No, I'm not kidding). We managed to thwart his ultimate objective but Hodge got away.

You want more details talk to Warren… I don’t much care for his fucking sob story. Everybody knows he’s not going to stick around once we’re through with this mission. Besides he’s been away way too long and he was never really a team player. Especially since *I* came on the team.

The Right’s getting stronger by the hour, and my… incapacitation seems to have buoyed them up all the more. The X-Men have warded off three attacks in the past two months since then, but frankly we’re not doing too well. They kept a low profile after their disastrous debut last year but there’s got to be some new funding backing that organization now. How else do they keep coming back and so fast?

The material losses are sort of acceptable, but losing lives both human and mutant every time is taking its toll on the team’s morale. The Professor would rather not send any of the teenagers on active duty unless *absolutely* necessary. (Warren and me were exceptions… there was no one else at the time.)

Last night I asked Iceman to suit up, and Bobby was only too glad to get out there. Kid did well, really well, though the team barely managed to get the hostages out of the Right headquarters alive. I’m just glad no one got hurt. Too much.

But for how long?

Piotr has been asked to stand by for the next mission whenever it may be. I have faith in the trainings we provide our kids and yet… there is only so much planning and strategizing I can do sitting here at the mansion and not on the ground where all the action is. The Right fighters are such brilliant sneaks and our kids tend to play fair more often than not. Sometimes I feel we could do well to have a sneaky, no-rules kinda guerilla warfare expert on *our* side for a change.

Storm being the maternal, protective woman that she is, tends to expend herself more rapidly than others. And watching one’s leader going down is *so* not good, but she just wouldn’t listen. Warren seems to be falling for her (I’m surprised he isn’t moving in on Jean now that we’ve split – I was kinda hoping he would. Uh scratch that, no I don’t) and he doesn’t like me much anyway.

So every time I try talking to Ororo he hovers about, getting unnecessarily defensive on her behalf and stirring things up… accusing me of trying to undermine Storm’s authority. I refuse to ask Prof to intervene. Jean knows me, and knows better than to do that.

But then where does it leave me?

Things are rapidly getting out of hand. And there isn’t a damn thing I can do… except maybe to stay out of the way. And maybe to…

It’s now or never. I must leave right now, before it’s too late.

***

Next chapter >>

A/N: Let me know what you think?


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I am already hooked. I need some Scott and Logan love to get me inspired, I hope you continue. Great job as always. I must say you are one of the writers I look forward to reading any chance I get.

:) Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words sweetheart! I have a few more parts written out but which need some cleaning up and will try to post soon. It's just been so damn long with this piece! I hope I get the inspiration to finish it this time heh :) cheers again hon. *hugs*

Wow, you always have something original to offer us.
I consider Storm an 'okay' leader, not great but okay, and Warren is basically a tactical moron, so without a real tactician the team is going to suffer, I can well imagine Scott planning to recruit a 'sneaky, no-rules kinda guerilla warfare expert' for the team's benefit, but I don't know how Logan enters the picture, he's probably holing up in Canada.
I sincerely hope your muse will return soon and continue this story and give me the answer.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing sweets :) Most of your questions will get answered soon :) I do hope my muse returns too because I have like six chapters written out and I really want to finish the rest as well. cheers hon.

Ooh, interesting AU, well I'm on board! Haha. Scott more vulnerable, huh? Hmmmmm *thinks conspiratorially*. Heh. Well anyways, intriguing start, looking forward to more! Scott/Logan! :D

Thank you for reading hon! Scott more vulnerable - hell yeah!! haha :D I'm so mean to him aren't I? ;) Well, that's how I like my Scott!! :D:D cheers again hon. More soon!

I really love all of your stories that focus on him. You really make it easy to get inside his head, and this is just so awesome. Great start, and I can't wait to read more.

Thank you so much for reading Tori :) I am glad I share this love for Scott Summers as well as Sam Winchester with you :D More coming up soon! cheers.

oooh really interesting beginning! I like it a lot. I can't wait to read more babe, so pleaseee post more chapters soon. you captured scott so well...and I like the comments about warren, storm adn the others on Scott's pov. There's a Logan pov on the future? I hope so :3

Sorry my lame english, spanish girl here ^^

Thanks for reading! A bit more can be posted soon, I just need to do some cleaning up. I'm really glad you enjoyed it and yeah some Logan POV will also be coming soon :) cheers hon.

I can't wait, you're amazing :)

You share my love of torturing the boys with tragedy and enforced weakness! And I can just imagine the angst of Logan and Scott getting together while Logan can see Scott's eyes, being able to see everything he's feeling, and then Scott somehow gets his power back and Logan is cut off from that intimacy suddenly. I have no idea if that's at all where you're going, but I can't wait to find out!

After my Logan/Remy run, I'm feelin' the need for a little Scott/Logan love.

Can't wait to see more! :)

You share my love of torturing the boys with tragedy and enforced weakness!
Haha yeah. There is absolutely no way to escape the truth - I love my Scott hurting and Logan comforting him :D

What you speculated is actually pretty bang on :) That's one part of where I'm going. Still need to write out the end actually :P And yeah I need some hardcord Scott/Logan lovin' myself! cheers hon :)



(Deleted comment)
Vincent! Thank you so much for reading even when this is not your fandom! :D I don't know if you've seen the movies? That's the best place to start and if you like them, maybe then you could move on to read the books but I have to warn you - the comics have so many different universes going on at once and like thousands of characters all over the place. So it's very very confusing :P
You like the layout, really? :D I like it too but I wonder if its too dark?
Thanks again for your sweet words hon. * hugs*

(Deleted comment)
I'm definitely looking forward to more of this. The first chapter got me really hooked, I hadn't read any good L/S lately and I know that looks MIGHTY promising.

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing hon :) I will try to post more soon!

Please continue! I'm very interested in seeing how this turns out and how Logan comes into it. I really like seeing Scott without his power and taken out of his element like this: without the X-men who is he? I'm also eager to see how Scott and Logan react to eachother without Jean as a source of tension (or an excuse to cover up mutual lust) will they still rub eachother the wrong way? Thanks for the read!

Thanks for reading and reviewing darling :) I'm glad you enjoyed it and its making you think. Just posted the second chapter.. hope you like that too! cheers.

*happy happy pants* Wonderful. Just wonderful. <3 I really can't wait for more. :P Pfft, it's all your fault, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't reading X-men in the first place. It feels so wrong but so right, like I'm assraping my childhood, but I like it. *shiver* <3

And now onto the actual 'fic. Aw~ Poor Scotty-dear.
No-body likes him, Every-body hates him, just wait 'till he meets Wolverine! *tries to singsong and fails horribly* I love how he sorts of rambles around a point, getting on and off track so realistically. :D

:D Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!!

if it wasn't for you I wouldn't reading X-men in the first place. It feels so wrong but so right

:D Uhh well, I'm always happy to convert more people to the xmen fandom! :D And nothing wrong abt it hon :) Slash is all love and goodness and it makes you happy :D Go with it I say! :)

I know, I've made my Scott too vulnerable and I don't let up for a long time to come! Its why I've been hesitant to finish this fic and post it.. but you know, hell I like him that way! And I write what I want to read so there :P

cheers again for reviewing hon. Just posted second chapter, hope you like !





Liked it. Need more soon! Scott considers himeself a control freak? More like obssessive compulsive, if you ask me. And such a worrier... no wonder I can relate. That he feels so exposed without his visor/glasses makes for interesting character development too.

Haha yeah well, OCD is not something he will openly admit to so there ;) He is very vulnerable in this series hon, you've been warned! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing :)

so I've been trying to get to read this for DAYS, but head colds and staring at the computer screen doesn't work out that well for me along with life just being overly busy, but FINALLY I got a chance and let me just say I'm so excited for this fic. Hello, the pairings alone is gonna kill me cause I la la love Logan, and he and Scott's love/hate relationship has always been a curious subject for me. Poor Scott though, I'm very interested to see where you go with this and the thought of his mutation giving him energy is fascinating, poor boy sucked up the sunlight and now that he can see clearly he feels like going into the dark. You write Scott so well, I like the tidbits of his life because let's face it Scott seriously did come a long ass way from where he started. Love this:

Here in Xavier’s home we’re like one family, with a common bond… of degenerate DNA if you will, keeping us together.

the degenerate DNA just perfect! Awesome so far hun ::runs off to read the second part::

Sweetheart, I hope you're feeling better now? Glad you're reading this :) I love to know your take on the plot nuances and such. Of course Scott is a lot more vulnerable than usual in this, but hell that;s the way I like him haha. Take care of yourself hon :) Posting third part today! :)

great beginning-and instant replay ranting, gratis!

You snuck this one by me somehow! There's *never* enough Logan/Scott out there, so yay, you're writing more...and it's starting off really well. Very believable that Cyclops, unlike many mutants, would be extremely restless and unhappy about losing his powers. He still believes in fighting the good fight and absolutely could NOT bear being a liability; if he can't help them actively or be allowed to participate in some way, then he's getting the hell out of there and going his own road. I can see that.

And it's believable that it would be almost embarrassing for people to look at his unvisored face. It makes him naked in more than just the flesh. He's had to be so self-controlled for so long that it's got to be uncomfortable to know that people can *see* him...and his lovely eyes. *coughs*

I've never thought Storm would be the best leader for the XMen. Good, yes-she's second in command for a reason. But...she's *second* in command, for a reason. She's terribly claustrophobic, for one thing; her power takes too long to summon, for another, so it's not an immediately useful offensive weapon (more of a second wave of attack than a first, if you see the difference); and she does tend to want to be motherly/sisterly towards everyone. That's nice, but it's not necessarily good in a combat team leader.

Scott was known as "Cyclops, who brings them back alive", for very good reason. His savant mathmatical skills lend themselves to strategic planning well; and he's a black belt in judo. Not to mention he *does* have that inredible self-control, which means he neither loses his temper easily...nor allows pity and sympathy to overwhelm him until *after* the mission.

Yes, I've always liked Scott, liked Cyclops, why do you ask? *grins* I rant about this a LOT so you've probably seen it already in one form or another. (Pull my string, out comes the blurb. *blushes*) And frankly, I never liked Storm that much anyways, but having the wooden Halle Berry, one of the world's most over-rated actresses, play her just cemented the dislike. Angela Bassett, where were you?


Pesti

Re: great beginning-and instant replay ranting, gratis!

Thank you so so much for reading and reviewing sweetie! I was wondering where you were ;) I completely agree with you about Scott. His strengths are immense and as much about his mind as his body but it all gets downplayed for whatever reasons *rolls eyes*. I don't care about that anymore. Wolverine can have his freakin' solo movie or whatever. All I'm interested in is Scott :) And strangely enough, while I do recognize that he is a mega mutant... there is a certain vulnerability in him that I am attracted to. This series is going to explore that, a LOT :D Hope you're on board with that hon :) I'm warning ya... Scott's about to get massively whumped :D:D

I never liked Storm that much anyways, but having the wooden Halle Berry, one of the world's most over-rated actresses, play her just cemented the dislike. Angela Bassett, where were you?

Angela may have been too old for the part maybe? *shrugs* Not sure. Halle sure is a disaster.

Nice start. It seems like a lot of the x-men stuff I read is somehow anti-scott. Like a lot of people don't like his character and write him to be an ass. But I always like the scott you portray. I liked the way Scott appreciated losing his powers at first - while thinking they were going to come back. But then being lost and feeling like an outsider once he realized they weren't coming back. I understand why he would want to leave.

Jen! So glad you're reading hon, I'm glad I could interest you in something different :)
Yep, Scott's my favorite guy. Sam's and Dean's come and go.. Scott stays ;) I know there are ppl who don't like him but that's mostly because he is a very disciplined character who is always following the rules and reminding the rest of the bunch abt the rules and basically I think he just reminds the readers of one or another authority figure in their real lives, you know? Plus the comic writers so far also haven't done him much justice 'cause Wolverine happens to be the money making character and all *rolls eyes*.
So yeah anyway.. must stop rambling :D I just try to write stuff that I wanna read myself, hope this one turns out like that haha:)

hm...interesting...not as excited as i was to find your convenant story but interested nonetheles...

:D I love you I love you I love you... :D

I've recently fallen in for x-men fiction and slash, and I am really loving this story. The alternate beginning to the first movie fits in with the rest of the movie plot well and the characterizations and motivations are fantastic.

I really enjoy how you've delved into the scientific and psychological aspects of Scott losing his powers in addition to causing conflict. The side effect of being unable to properly use his digestive track proves to be another blow to Scott's system of control of his previous handicaps, pushing him to seek control in other ways including find new recruits. Great plot drivers all around.

The only part I'm not convinced on is that Jean and Scott have broken up. Scott seems rather confused on that score, going his own way and yet viewing her with unending fondness, and there's nothing to hint what Jean has done or is thinking about in reaction. Of course, part of my conviction could be lowered because Scott himself is unconvinced that their personal life together is ended.

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