JM: Young tilted head closeup

cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

v14.0


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JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

SPN fic: Untitled (gen)

SPN Fic: Untitled (I can't think anymore. If anyone has suggestions, pls help? *g* )
Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one. Sadness.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Follow up to AHBL-1. 
Spoilers: SPN Ep 221 (All Hell Breaks Loose part 1)
Word count: 710
Author Notes: Written for the new comm spn_standstill, started by the lovely albydarned. I don't usually write codas, but this episode was just... well, if you've seen it you know. Not sure if I'm any good at this, pls let me know what you think? :)

**

Dean holds his lifeless body in his arms for ever, holds, and rocks and kisses wherever he can reach without letting go. In time, Bobby tires of standing around, guarding them against… apparently nothing, insists they move already. It’s when Bobby offers to help, and extends a hand towards him that Dean snaps to attention.

Dean doesn’t let Bobby touch him.

Carries him over his right shoulder, carries him like he weighs nothing. Arms wrapped securely round slender thighs, eyes glued to the ground, he walks. Oblivious to everything else but him… the sickening silence and stillness of him, dragging wary feet until they reach the Impala.

Dean lets Bobby drive his Impala.

Gets into the backseat and lays him across his lap, folding the long legs in with trouble, limbs beginning to pale and stiffen as it is. Pushes the torpid head under his chin and rocks to a once long-familiar rhythm… lingering memories of journeys overnight, John on the wheel, tired children in the back.

Dean pretends he’s only sleeping.

Lets his thoughts run loose, astray in a minefield of if-onlys and why-didn’ts, a hand grips the back of his hair so taut, Dean almost rips some out. There is no grieving, not yet, no rage or revenge or fuck what now, just ice-cold, mind numbing, heart stopping pain. Pain that seeps through every vein and artery until it pulsates in every limb, every muscle, paralyses his very soul. A pair of blinding headlights prickles till he is forced to look up. And then he cannot look away.

Dean pretends he’s riding shotgun.

They reach Elkins’ cabin in Colorado before sunrise, it’s the closest and safest there is, for now. Dean tucks him into bed with practiced ease, ignores the question and worry in Bobby’s eyes. Brushes soft auburn hair back from a pallid forehead, commands the other to quickly start the fireplace. *Do it!* He barks when Bobby hesitates, then rushes to apologize, but not to the sad old man.

Dean starts to talk to him.

Two days is all Bobby can take, of the systematic descent into madness. When he lashes out, Dean hits back… hard and screaming at last. The dam breaks and in it’s wake, one man is left bruised and bleeding. The other bruised… and utterly broken. Dean falls to his knees and cries, for a brother, a mother and a dad. Dean cries because he failed, again. Dean cries.

Because he’d just started to talk back.

They salt and burn his remains in the backyard, collect his ashes in a rustic urn. Bobby gets Dean to eat at last, then goes out to re-fuel for the long voyage ahead. Leaves Dean sitting in a rickety old chair, staring away at the southwest corner by the fireplace. His grief is limitless, his pain sharper and more unforgiving than ever before. But rage is all he chooses to focus on, it’s all he needs, for now. Rage, and *revenge*. Stares the damn corner right down.

Makes a promise to see him again. Soon.

The car wrangles in, and Dean rises in automated motion. Picks up the jacket with the bloodied hole in the back, caressing it with his big brother hands. Dons it, stone eyes tracing the location of the hidden cabinet in the southwest corner, where now the urn stands. Safe. Protected by the fifth pentacle of Mars. He has everything he’ll need, ever, walks to the door but pauses. Turns, his eyes softening for one last time.

The door slides shut. Dean’s gone. 

He pulls his bony knees to his chest, winds gangly long arms around them tight. Rocks to a once long-familiar rhythm, as much as the little corner allows him to, by the fireplace. Silent, as he gazes at the door that now stands between the two brothers, one dead one barely alive – wishes he could follow but he can’t. Curses the day he showed Dean how.

To draw the devil’s trap.

Exhales a cloud of imaginary steam, wonders why his hair keeps falling in his eyes like it used to, back when he was fourteen. Back in a simpler time, but hell… simple’s relative. Like, crazy. Smiles knowingly, his big brother never ever *ever* lets him down. He will be back for him, he promised.

Dean promised. So he waits.


** END**

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(Deleted comment)
First review yayy :D Thank you so much hon! Really relieved to hear it works.

dean with nothing to lose isscary. kind of like a machine right now. omg. he's lost everyone he loved, but sam - sam was the most important thing. the reason to carry on. now that he's gone... *cries more* oh god. kripke, you bastard!

OMG totally!! This was like the very very worst thing Kripke could do to Dean - killing Sam. What's his deal with Dean!angst I wonder :((
Seeing Dean hold Sammy like that and Sam not responding *shudders* oh god! I was so not expecting that and it just.. it killed me! Can't wait for next week because DAMN IT he's got to bring Sammy back!!! *sniff*

That was so sad and it was such a good coda. The repeated use of 'he/him' makes everything feel so impersonal and that breaks me even more.

The ending eeeee ;-;.

Awww, thank you so much for reading. I'm really glad you liked it hon.

That was great. I want to be sure I understand the end though. Sam is waiting for Dean? Where does Dean go at the end?

Thanks for reading!

I guess I was going for vague but maybe it's TOO vague? :D Dean could be going possibly anywhere... to confront the YED in a last and final battle, or to cut a deal with the crossroads demon or any other spell he might organize to get Sam back or whatever. Doesn't matter!

What matters is that, we don't know if Dean makes it or not. We don't know if he will be able to come back to the cabin and free Sam's spirit or not. But Sam, even in death, despite everything, still trusts his brother blindly. And all he knows is that Dean promised him, so he will come back for him and they will see each other soon. No matter how Dean does it. Even if he is dead himself.

I just wanted to show how Dean *thinks* he is pretending that Sam is still with him. But what he didnt know was, Sam really was still with him, that he was actually sensing his presence throughout but Bobby didnt.

Let me see if I can improve the ending. Thanks again hon.

Title?

pentacle of Mars

lol.

Short, sweet, heartbreaking.

The ending confused me a little, what happened?

Pentacle of Mars :) That's good!

Umm yeah the ending.. will copy paste from another response but guess I seriously do need to work on this again (yikes!)

I guess I was going for vague but maybe it's TOO vague? :D Dean could be going possibly anywhere... to confront the YED in a last and final battle, or to cut a deal with the crossroads demon or any other spell he might organize to get Sam back or whatever. Doesn't matter!

What matters is that, we don't know if Dean makes it or not. We don't know if he will be able to come back to the cabin and free Sam's spirit or not. But Sam, even in death, despite everything, still trusts his brother blindly. And all he knows is that Dean promised him, so he will come back for him and they will see each other soon. No matter how Dean does it. Even if he is dead himself.

I just wanted to show how Dean *thinks* he is pretending that Sam is still with him. But what he didnt know was, Sam really was still with him, that he was actually sensing his presence throughout but Bobby didnt.

Let me see if I can improve the ending. Thanks for reading hon.

That was excellent. The intense emotion come through beautifully in this fic. I could just see Dean falling to pieces then just going blank and concentrating on what he has to do to finish the job, with small cracks for heated emotion coming through like shots of steam in a cracked kettle. Loved the fact the Sammy is still there waiting for his brother to come back for him, always trusting that no matter what Dean will do what has to be done to get back to Sam. Wonderful!

Thank you so much for reviewing :) I'm glad it came out believable.

small cracks for heated emotion coming through like shots of steam in a cracked kettle.

Woah.. that's a brilliant way to put it hon and exactly! :) Sam's dying is the worst thing Kripke could ever have done to Dean. Maybe he likes to torture the older brothers *sniff*

Loved the fact the Sammy is still there waiting for his brother to come back for him..

That's the one thing I love about this show. The brothers' love and blind faith in each other. I'm really glad you liked this hon. cheers again :)

Such a vivid picture of Dean's pain. I love this just so much. It's really heartbreaking. Nice job.

Why are you such a sweetheart to me? :)

So upsetting. Well done.

I blame Kripke *sniff*

Thanks for reading hon.

You have brilliantly captured the essence of Dean in his post-Sam death loss. It's going to be terrible, gigantic, earth-shattering, just as you described. Robin

Thank you so much Robin! I'm glad you find this believable. Of course, watching Jensen be Dean will be a whole lot MORE terrible, gigantic and earth shattering. Just hope he brings Sammy back and soon.*sniff*

Wow, this is chilling, and really could happen. I really liked the way that you italicized him ... I always see stuff like that in religious texts, and I really think that it applies to Dean as well. To him, Sam is a sacred being or something, something that he HAS to have. Sam is the faith that Dean has, and he'll go to any length to protect him. Thanks for this!

bang on!.. Sam is sacred to Dean and I was debating whether to capitalize the H or just italicize lol.. also at this point Dean can't even stand to take Sam's name because it hurts too damn much.
Thank YOU girl for the lovely feedback! :)

Holy hell. You brokered me with that. It was painfully beautiful the way you brought through Dean's emotions of loss, even though he wasn't really grieving. Thank you so much for sharing this.

Thank YOU for reading hon :) I'm glad it came out believable. One can only imagine how hard it must be for Dean... cheers again hon.

Nicely put. I like the laconic Dean-isms. That fits his personality to the letter, and in this case boiled down to the pulp.

Thank you so much hon :) Glad you liked it.

Heart-breaking and wondrously pictured.

heartbreaking, yeah :) How could it not be right? *sniff*
Thanks for reading sweetheart.

Well, I am sitting here bawling so I think you are doing something right!

Thank you so much hon!! I just felt so morbid after AHBL-1, had to share it with the world haha ;-)

Thank you so much hon :)


When I read

Dean pretends he’s only sleeping

I couldn’t hol my tears

Awww *hugs*. That episode was really sad for me. Thank you for reading sweetie!

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