JM: Young tilted head closeup

cyndrarae

Rebelling against Reality since 2003

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JM: Young tilted head closeup
cyndrarae

Mutant X: Blues (B/J) - 13: Warning sign

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A warning sign
I missed the good part, then I realised
I started looking and the bubble burst
I started looking for excuses
 

Jesse tossed and turned all night. He’d gotten so used to sleeping in Brennan’s room, Brennan’s bed… Brennan’s arms.
~Damn him.~
He thought of the expression of sheer hurt on the older man’s face and felt guilty. And sad. But damn it he didn’t deserve to.
Mostly it just made him angry. What right did Brennan have to act like he hurt as much, or more? He wished he could articulate… his anger, his pain… let the bastard know how much he’d hurt *him*. He wanted to yell at Brennan to stop laying this on Jesse like it was all *his* fault!

~He ignored me. He pushed me to run… to… almost sleep with a stranger. Its his fault damnit.~

And he so wanted to tell him that he still loved him. That if he’d promise never to hurt him again…
Jesse turned over again with a big huff. He didn’t want to complete that thought… so the thought completed itself and wouldn’t let him rest.
 

Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign.
 

At last at four in the morning he gave up, slipped out of his uncomfortable bed and jumped into the shower. Stood for an hour under the hot torrents until hunger pangs drove him out. He dressed into a clean pair of jeans and an oversized t-shirt… without realizing it was Brennan’s… and ambled out to the kitchen. Jesse didn’t expect to see anyone else up at this hour so was surprised to find Shalimar and Adam standing close… bit too close to each other for (his) comfort.

Emma did tell him how she found the couple making out at the opera but he hadn’t asked for a confirmation from Shal, nor did she volunteer one. Hey he was cool even if they were seeing each other but he didn’t need a visual for sure. Funny how seeing your mom and dad make out on the kitchen table can gross you out, considering they do have a right to make whatever, wherever whenever they want. And funny why that *particular* analogy popped up in Jesse’s mind, its not like he viewed Adam and Shalimar as parent figures or anything?
~Woah. No! Of course not! ~

“Good Morning!”
“Yeah.”
Jesse mumbled past them to the refrigerator. Adam had to ask.
“Everything alright Jess?”
“Peachy.”
Had a splitting headache for not sleeping all night, but that’s okay. Well deserved.
“Jesse we need to talk.”
Now he got seriously annoyed.
“Shalimar why cant you just stay out of goddamn personal life? I told you I don’t wanna talk about it!”
Silence greeted him. And then…
“That’s… not what I wanted to talk about.”

Beat.
“Oh.”
“I just wanted to tell you about… well as you know me and… you see Adam and I have… well we…”
“We’re engaged.” Adam completed mercifully.
Jesse stared at the couple. He knew he was happy for them… no doubt. But suddenly the absence of a certain solid dependable presence behind him hurt more than ever before.

“Congratulations!”
Jesse didn’t say that. He turned around to see Emma… and Brennan… standing right behind him. Apparently all of Sanctuary couldn’t sleep last night. Emma walked past him up to Shalimar and Adam and kissed them.
“At last.”
And she and Shal giggled ever so softly. Jesse fought down his shock and wretched self-pity and came over to wish them too. He kissed Shal, his sister and best friend… and then hugged Adam, his mentor and guardian. Shalimar looked so elated, she was finally going to have the family she’d dreamt of for years now.
“I’m so happy for you Shal. I’m in shock… but happy.”
And he truly was. Shalimar hugged him again, kissing his forehead before letting him go. Adam smiled and winked at Jesse and really, that was all he needed from Adam. He wasn’t done basking in the contentment he felt standing this close to the new couple when an achingly familiar warmth brushed him from behind. He turned just in time to see Brennan reach for Shalimar and pull her into an embrace.

“Congrats Shal.”
Jesse moved out of the way, no way could he stand brushing against the man again. Once had been enough to send eddies down his spine and make the hair on the back of his neck stand. Tell-tale signs of arousal… been too damn long. Jesse shivered and tried to curb his body’s betrayal.
 

When the truth is, I miss you…
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so…
 

“All right, this is great!”
He clapped his hands, wanting to distract himself just as he noticed Brennan and Adam separating after what seemed like an unusually long hug. Since when did these two get so close, he wondered. He turned his attention back to Shalimar.
“We should celebrate tonight.”
Finally an event where he could immerse himself into loads of borrowed happiness and free alcohol.
“Sure, but let’s wait for Brennan to get back.” Adam said, nodding at Brennan at the same time looking for his confirmation.
Jesse started.

A warning sign
It came back to haunt me, and I realized
That you were an island and I passed you by
And you were an island to discover

Brennan nodded back, then spoke in his soft… almost forlorn voice.
“Don’t you dare go partying without me. Shouldn’t be too long I think…”
The query escaped his lips before Jesse could stop it.
“Where are you…?”
Brennan paused mid-sentence, turned to look at his beloved through shielded eyes. For a minute he looked like there was lots he wanted to say… then settled for nothing. He looked at Emma unintendedly.
“Phoenix, Arizona.” She retorted on his behalf almost unconcernedly, sitting up on the counter and biting on a ripe strawberry.

~Phoenix? Arizona?~
The frown on Jesse’s face refused to be wiped off. A part of him wanted desperately to fake indifference, nonchalance… not interested damnit! And yet…
Jesse’s internal torment flared up big time. He wondered if he’d gone too far, pushed Brennan so much he wasn’t even gonna try to fix things ever again? God he hoped not, he had intended to give Brennan a second chance today, he really did. But he wasn’t sure the groveling scene he had in mind… with Brennan on his knees and everything… could be enacted at such long distance.
Again Jesse failed to bite his tongue in time.
“But why…?”
And again, Brennan wouldn’t respond. He just turned around, started walking away from the group.
“I gotta get moving…”
Shalimar went back into maternal mode.
“Keep in touch Bren, let us know how it goes?”
Adam joined in. “You sure you don’t want someone to go with you?”
“Positive.”
Jesse looked from one person to another. Everyone was in on this?
Emma sounded more cheerful than she’d been in… ages.
“Break a leg! Or two…”
Jesse was not just losing patience, he was silently panicking. But he controlled himself until Brennan disappeared into his room. Then he turned to Adam.

“Adam will you please tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
Jesse screamed. “WHY IS HE LEAVING?”
Adam did not reply immediately, giving the younger man time to find his composure again. Shalimar remarked, in her own quiet way.
“He *will* be back, Jesse.”
Jesse breathed heavily, not looking at her. Only Adam.
“Why?”
Adam replied at last.
“Closure.”


Come on in
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones
That I started looking for a warning sign

When the truth is, I miss you
Yeah the truth is, that I miss you so.
And I'm tired, I should not have let you go…!

So I crawl back into your open arms
Yes I crawl back into your open arms…
 

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